The weather here in Austin is scheduled(like I set it up that way) to be sunny, cool – in the high 60’s and low 70’s and just about perfect.  I hope everyone enjoys the outdoors this weekend – and remember to turn your clocks forward Sunday.

From here.

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in  Detroit . She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.

Heidi keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around about Heidi’s “drink now, pay later” marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in  Detroit .

By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi’s gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets.

Naive investors don’t really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation’s leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi’s bar. He so informs Heidi.
Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.The suppliers of Heidi’s bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms’ pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi’s bar.

Now do you understand?

With the one year boycott done, Wetwired returns to blogging the Academy Awards. Y’all know the drill by now, starting below:

Pregame: We went from a 60-year-old(!) The Dude, to Gabourey Sidobe (I think that’s her name, NEVER expected her to talk like a Valley Girl), to the wolf kid from the Twilight movies, to Meryl Streep. Hey, Kathy Ireland! (Used to have the biggest crush for her, folks. Still looks damn hot for mid-forties.)

Final notes: Hunh.

Overall an incredible night for The Hurt Locker, and James Cameron comes off as the big loser tonight. Of course, he’s crying on a bed made of hundred dollar bills tonight. So, he’s got that going for him.

Then again, maybe if he hadn’t been a ginormous prick the last time he won maybe he’d have had a better chance. So, there’s that too.

Out.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pylorns knows that one of my favorite all-time comedy bits is a parody song called “Title Of The Song” by Da Vinci’s Notebook. The song can be heard below:

In the spirit of this brilliant piece (and yes, I’m dead serious saying that), Cracked.com came up with the following. We’ll have the return of the live Oscar blogging this year after last year’s boycott (DARK KNIGHT!!!), and to start off the weekend right we present this tribute to Academy Award winning movies everywhere.

Presented Without Further Comment.

Out.

Yup, it wasn’t even close.

This isn’t surprising. From all accounts, Rick Perry was running strong in the last few weeks and Kay Bailey Hutchinson had stumbled and limped into the runoff. Pylorns had supported Medina, but as I told him the other day her biggest mistake was not being able to strongly answer a question off the cuff. No matter how she really feels about the 9/11 truthers, her poor showing on Glenn Beck (someone who could have made her a star had she played the game right) showed she didn’t quite have the chops to handle the bigger stage. A strong debate showing does not a candidacy make, as evidenced here.

So, it’ll be Rick Perry versus the mayor of Houston. Kinky’s not running for Governor this year, so you lose out on that option. Have fun, Texas voters.

Out.

Long ago, Py and I resolved to keep our real names and such separate from this site. The reasoning can be found on our “About” page, but I’m going to discuss something involving my real identity on the net.

See, I have a Facebook account. I’ve had it for a while now, and I’ve gotten back in touch with people I hadn’t seen in years. It’s been kinda nice, and those of us on Wetwired do keep up with each other outside of this little shindig there as well.

Except… well, except for one thing.

I’ve found that I have to maintain rules for Facebook to avoid stupid problems popping up. One of them is that I have to know who you are- meaning we have to have grown up together, have had conversations or have some sort of direct correlation to each other. It’s a fairly simple idea, and it saves me loads of hassle.

Except for one person.

See, there’s this one woman on Facebook that I accepted because everything about her says I’ve known her at some point, gone to school with her, grown up alongside her, have dozens of mutual friends and acquaintances, and in general have gone through life on at least some early parallel paths… and I have no idea who she is.

Seriously. No fuckin’ clue.

The name isn’t familiar to me. Her face is not one that comes to me clearly. I can’t place her voice. Her life is one I have no clue about, save for the fact that she clearly has some sort of tie to me- hell, she even found me on Facebook.

I ignored the initial friend request, not knowing who she was. When the second one came in, I decided to accept it- and she seems certainly nice enough. I mean, nothing odd or out of the ordinary about her save for a slightly unusual first name.

But yeah, no fuckin’ clue who she is.

I recognize that this is clearly a minor thing, given that earlier today some florist tried to friend me on there (instant ignore, by the way). It just amuses the hell out of me every time I see an update from her and clearly don’t know who the hell she is. I mean, she seems interesting and all. Certainly has her life in order, things are going well for her.

I just wish I knew who the hell she was.

Out.

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children… In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”

—Prince William County Delegate Bob Marshall (R-13th) (link)

Marshall is now coming out and saying his remarks were taken out of context, but what, exactly, other context could there be? Sure, here he says he wasn’t saying every child with a birth defect is the result of God’s punishment for abortion. Also, he claims that there are “studies” that prove low birth weight and cerebral palsy is a higher risk factor for children born to women who have had prior induced abortions. I’ll bet the American Public Health Association has something to say about that.

“These findings confirm earlier reports of little or no evidence of harmful effects on birth weight by one or by two or more induced abortions. We further report that risk is not significantly elevated even in women with three, four, or more prior terminations of pregnancy when compared with women with one or two abortions.”

—M T Mandelson et. al., American Journal of Public Health from the American Public Health Association. (link)

There are, in fact, very few additional risk factors for the children of women who have had surgical abortions. As with any surgery, the procedure carries a risk of infection, scar tissue, and adverse reactions to anesthetic and post-op medications, but a D & C does not change the hormonal or physical health of a fertile woman. Medical (medicinal) abortions have been linked to an increased risk of placental separation in later pregnancies as the chemicals used to induce uterine contractions can make the organ more sensitive to the common pregnancy hormones later in life.

Birth weight and other environmental, non-genetic, birth defects are dependent upon the mother’s age and health. The older the woman, the more prone the baby can be to Down’s Syndrome and CP. If a woman’s body cannot afford to give the fetus proper energy and nutrition, either because of smoking, drinking, poor diet, or illness, the baby will have a lower than average weight at birth. See how I didn’t cite sources on those sentences? That’s because I shouldn’t have to. It’s printed on every can of beer and cigarette pack on the planet. There’s a pamphlet in every doctor’s office everywhere with this information. Want a source anyway? Okay.

Here

And here

And here
This kind of back peddling is ludicrous. If Rep. Marshall thinks that women who have abortions are being punished by God with children with birth defects, that’s ok. He’s allowed the think that. He’s even allowed the say that out loud. To reporters. In public. It’s just that if the people in the public who hear or read this remark then come back with evidence to the contrary, Rep. Marshall isn’t allowed to say, You took me out of context, and also I am right because there is science. First, sir, which is it? Did we misunderstand you, or did we miss out on this research you know about? Is God punishing the unrighteous sinners? And how strong is your faith in this that the griping of the people who probably didn’t vote for you is going to sway your belief and make you call a press conference to denounce your vengeful deity?

Did I take that too far? Probably. The point is he was wrong, what he said is not true. He said something that is not factual or upheld by reputable scientific research. Then he was extra wrong by saying he had studies that backed him up. Also, even if he believes his statement to be true, he’s a jackass for saying it. He’s not a pastor. He’s a politician. Though probably a lot of his constituents are Conservative Christians, and Catholics, so they oppose abortion and might support him, right?

“This is the order of nature. You do these things, you pay consequences. This is not Pat Robertson, this is not the Pope, this is not some yahoo preachers in a right-wing fever swamp.”

—Bob Marshall

Good call. Have fun campaigning in southern Virginia, Bob!

Awesome, and Submitted Without Further Comment:

Out.

NOTE: This is as much of a test post as a podcast recording, folks. After the issues we had earlier in the week, we’re reposting the podcast to make sure everything’s working again. That said, enjoy.

This one is a brief podcast, brought on by the brouhaha regarding Kevin Smith’s recent deplane-ing by Southwest Airlines and Finley’s insecurities regarding his own body size. Enjoy.

Comment and let us know what you think!

Listen to this via iTunes or directly below.

Out.

 

 Standard Podcast [ 12:09m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Entire Echelon(click for street view)  9420 Research Blvd. building is on fire (Echelon I building) – entire front structure of the building is gone.  The building is a 7 story building. People have been evacuated and traffic has been re-routed. A Piper 150 Cherokee apparently hit the building. The location is across from the Best Buy/Container Store/Whole Foods etc in the Arboretum area.

Tucker Thurman was driving to work on the U.S. 183 flyover near MoPac Boulevard (Loop 1) when he said he saw a small plane, very low, flying over the highway. He said he saw it then bank heavily to the right before heading into the building.

“There was a huge fireball. It went right into the building,” Thurman said.

Live streaming cameras:

http://www.statesman.com/news/traffic-cameras-119369.html

Update: FBI has an office in the building according to @breakingnews (This is incorrect)

Update: Ustream link live

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/northwest-austin-plane-crash

Update: IRS may have a building in there

Update (10:48am) : Fox News Streaming Video:

http://www.myfoxaustin.com/generic/news/live_news/myfoxaustin_livestream_index

Update: The AFD is looking for victims -IRS, CIA have offices but FBI states they don’t believe they have an office in that building – but near the complex or buildings.

Update (1054am): Officials say Austin plane crash appears accidental; early reports are injuries, but no initial word of any fatalities.

Update: 10:59 more on location:

Update: 11:02 – eye witness states pilot dipped the left wing – was 100 yards or less away from the building – he noticed that the plane was too low – he was coming north to south and it was coming east to west. Still two people unaccounted for in the building.

Update:11:10: Fire Chief(Assistant Chief) 2 individuals have been transported and 1 is unaccounted for now- power is out so crews can work.  Crews are currently trying to put the fire out.  Heavy fire/destruction is on the 2nd floor – impact appears to be on the 2nd floor.  Police: streets in the area – jollyville, research closed. No electricity in immediate area.  Streets and power will be shut until they get more control. Police state there are Federal offices in the building hit – but are not confirming any.

Update: 11:17 the plane *could* be a private plane traveling from Waco. Plane appears to have come down from the north and was paralleling 183 and made erratic turns before going into the building.

Update 11:26: FoxNews: Pilot set fire to his home before crashing the plane into the office building.

National News picking up the story feed. The IRS has 199 employees in the building

Update: From the bad ad placement department CNN did this.  http://www.awholelotofnothin.com/?p=250

Update: Bad comments from chat channel: : Kevin Smith was on the plane. It was too heavy to pull up.

Update 12:49 – manifesto left by Joe Stack who flew the plane into the building. Here is the actual website that has the manifesto by Joe Stack.

Here isthe whois information for that site:

Registrant:
Embedded Art
925 E Hwy 80
287
San Marcos, TX 78666
US

Domain name: EMBEDDEDART.COM

Administrative Contact:
Stack, Joe  
925 E Hwy 80
287
San Marcos, TX 78666
US
1.3215649879
Technical Contact:
Stack, Joe  
925 E Hwy 80
287
San Marcos, TX 78666
US
1.3215649879

Registration Service Provider:
Everyones Internet, 

http://www.ev1servers.net

Registrar of Record: TUCOWS, INC.
Record last updated on 16-Sep-2006.
Record expires on 05-Jun-2010.
Record created on 05-Jun-2003.

Registrar Domain Name Help Center:

http://domainhelp.tucows.com

Domain servers in listed order:
NS1.T35.NET
NS2.T35.NET

Domain status: ok

Wow.

Update 1:15 his house was in Scofield Farms. Georgetown airport officials say federal officials have sealed the airport. A plane departed at 9:40am this morning from that airport.

Update: 2:15pm Some media is trying to pin this guy as a Tea-Party-Tea-Bag Right wing nut job.  If they bothered to read the manifesto they’ll see very anti-government and anti-religion hate speech and pro-communisit anti-capitolistic speech.  He was not some right-wing nut.

Update (2/19/10 8am) Reports coming in that everyone is accounted for now in the building.

Oh yeah. They went there. Check this out.:
http://gizmodo.com/5474614/school-spies-students-through-their-laptop-cameras

Folks, we’ve had a bit of a site hiccup this evening with the site. I’ve notified Pylorns about it and we’ll get it fixed. In the meantime, the podcast will be reposted once these issue are fixed.

Sorry for the inconvenience, but we’ll get this nailed down as soon as we can.

Out.

The Weekend Week’s End Wrap Up for February 7-13 is brought to you by the best of celebrity trainwreck relationships.

Sunday: Levi Johnston (remember this guy?), 19 year old father of Sarah Palin’s grandson Tripp, will be on the cover of Playgirl later this month. Seriously, that’s how these kids are known. Tripp is not “Bristol’s son” but “Sarah’s grandson.” Levi isn’t “Tripp’s father,” but “Sarah Palin’s daughter’s ex-fiance.” Seriously, I needed to write it out on my hand just to keep the family tree straight (ouch, lame cheap shot. deal with it.) Ok, and are you ready for this? Don’t click here, naked 19 year old. I know I’m not the best judge, but I’ve studied enough Ancient Greek nudes, and Discophoros he ain’t.

Monday: I don’t even known what to do with this, but zombie Michael Jackson is going to do a duet with his sister Janet for We Are the World 25. Read about it here then never mention it again.

Tuesday: It has been almost 2 years since Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up (I guess?) but we (I) still can’t seem to believe it. Rumors circled last week that the couple got in to an altercation at a club after LiLo threw a drink at SamRo’s equipment and then SamRo had to go get a papertowl to dry off her MacBook and then TMZ said someone said Samantha was abusive. So, on Tuesday, @lindsaylohan tweeted: “This is become a bit much*Samantha R never raised a hand to me, I’ve never said she did* Enough is Enough. Focus on other more important World Issues.” @samantharonson retweeted, the pair exchanged a brief thanks/urwelcome and that was that. OR IS IT?!

Wednesday: Did you SEE John Mayer’s Playboy interview? The one where he said Jessica Simpson was like sexual napalm (wtf) and that he won’t sleep with black women becasuse his dick is a white supremacist? I’m not making this up, I swear to Jesus. “I don’t think I open myself to it. My d— is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f—–’ David Duke c—. I’m going to start dating separately from my d—.” When are these celebrities just going to keep their mouths shut? First Whoopi Goldberg has to say she doesn’t believe men landed on the moon, and now thanks to this bullshit I can probably never enjoy “Your Body is a Wonderland” again. Thanks, douchebag.

Thursday: Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are trying to make their marriage work. They are both in differing stages of rehab from drugs and alcohol, and basically living on different coasts, but they cuddled up in the back of Sheen’s private jet to totally not do blow and to completely talk about their relationship while not doing blow. There’s nothing really funny about this, because they have little kids. No kids, and this rollercoaster would be my new favorite.

Friday: “Kate Gosselin is officially single and is hitting the town. The mom of eight hit popular NYC nightspot Butter on Feb. 5 for wine and dinner, and according to Us Weekly, “mouthed, ‘He’s so hot!’ when a cute 20-something man walked past her table.” No mom jeans for Gosselin: She wore a miniskirt and strappy sandals despite it being the dead of winter. And Us reports that Gosselin’s much talked about $7,000 hair extensions are a few inches shorter now.” (The Scoop). Cougar? MILF? Gross.

Saturday: Arguably, but not really, America’s sweetheart, Stephen Colbert went to the Olympics as a member of the official USA Speedskating Olympic team. Just because he shouted it loud enough on his television show every night. This is the same way he got a piece of a god damned machine in outerspace named after him, and also how he got Doritos to sponsor his bid for the presidency. By the way, we all know that if he hadn’t dropped out of the race he would be the actual president right now.

The story goes like this, “When the U.S. Speedskating team lost its primary sponsor last fall (the Dutch bank DSB went bankrupt), the “Report” stepped in with a novel idea. The show’s ardent fans had previously raised sizable amounts of money for charity, and the show suggested that the “Colbert Nation” could sponsor the skaters. Fan donations filled the vacancy by raising more than $300,000. “Colbert Nation” is branded on the team’s suits and Colbert has had an active relationship with the squad.” (AP) Did you read that? Apathetic 18-30 somethings watching a late night television show raised $300,000 to help speedskating. Where is Obama’s press secretary? We need to have a little talk about marketting right now.

Also, I may have donated $20 of that $300 grand, because I Am America, and So Can You!

For 61 of the last 63 years, there has been a Kennedy in Congress serving as Representative for one fo the 50 states. Since 1962, there has ALWAYS been a Kennedy in the House of Representatives.

After this year, that streak will end.

Patrick Kennedy, the son of Teddy, will not seek reelection. For a quarter of this country’s history, the Kennedy family has helped to influence the political discourse and direction of the nation. Whether you like them or not, you cannot deny their influence on the nation.

To have the Kennedy clan’s political participation end like it has the last 15 years or so has been somewhat sad. The son of the president dies in a freak plan accident, the last of the most influential generation dies of a brain tumor, and a simple announcement ends an era. I don’t agree with the Kennedy family’s politics on almost any topics, but I respect the hell out of what they managed to do. Not only that, but as a red-blooded straight Amurrrhican man I have to look up to a guy who pulled in the amount and quality of ladies that ol’ Jack got. I mean, come on- the dude nailed Marilyn Monroe.

So this one time, you get a toast from me.

Out.

Oh yeah, pure awesomeness.