Conrad Hilton is awesome.

This is why.

Now, if only we could make her lose the rest of her own money.

I mean, I read this news earlier today and right there, I had the best day ever.

Out.

So, Paris HIlton is getting harassed by PETA.

See it turns out that the animal rights group is up in arms over Paris Hilton wearing fur. Personally I’m more upset that I even know Paris Hilton’s NAME, given that she’s famous solely for being famous- well, that and for getting the high hard one from her boyfriend in a sex video. She’s a vapid, clueless idiot who got lucky in the genepool lottery and thus thinks that this is her ticket to stardom. Combine that with the fact that she has the sex appeal of air and the personality of the same, and you come up with a clueless waste of carbon and oxygen.

So in case you’re wondering, I’m not a fan.

However, I have major issues with PETA as well. I have long thought that any really good goals PETA might have had at one time have been lost to the ridiculous public stances they’ve taken over the years. Look, I’m all for not hurting an animal if it isn’t necessary. However, I am also of the belief that almost any animal species out there is lessor to the human race. I’m cool with hunting (although I don’t hunt- not because of any belief or anything but that it tends to be boring as hell), and if finding a cure for cancer means that Bugs and Mickey have to take one for the team then so be it. Plus, I’m pretty certain that if I come across either a lion or a bear in nature then I’m pretty much the next item on the buffet for them.

Hence, I’m in a quandary. Who exactly do I root for in something like this?

Then again, maybe I go with the words of the noted philosopher Chick Magee: “In a game of losers, there are no winners.”

Out.