For the last year, I had been looking forward to the movie Cloverfield. Even before the title was released, I was insanely curious. Some movie about some… thing that was attacking Manhattan. Tonight, I had a chance to see the premiere of the movie here in The OKC.

I wish I’d saved my money.

(WARNING: LIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD. DON’T GET PISSY IF YOU READ SOMETHING THAT RUINS THE EXPERIENCE FOR YOU.)

After leaving the theater, I saw a cop walking through Bricktown. I said “Good morning, sir. May I offer a suggestion?”

He said “Sure.”

“Don’t see the movie Cloverfield.”

He looked at me, and said “That’s the one where it’s some fucking Godzila remake, right?”

“Not quite, but close. A monster attacks Manhattan.”

He nodded. “Yeah, like some Blair Witch meets Godzilla crap, right?”

I nodded in turn. “Pretty much, yeah.”

In truth, I’m pretty sure that was the pitch. Basically, you see this attack on New York from the eyes of a group of friends, one of whom was to go to Japan for work. Once the monster attacks, they try to escape Manhattan but return once the lead character Rob gets a call from his friend/lover Beth, who is hurt and in the middle of the city. He’s joined by his brother, his best friend, his brother’s fiancee and another girl who was at the party. Along the way there are casualties- thousands, in fact. I honestly can’t see how this movie got a PG-13 rating, given the amount of horror violence and imagery pervades this thing.

The cameraman for the movie is Hud, the best friend who provides some humor. He’s in love with a girl named Marlena (Played by a fave of mine, Lizzy Caplan) who is along for this trek back to the center of Midtown.

There is some gruesome imagery in this movie- which is seen through the shaky camera work of Hud. Honestly, part of the reason you don’t see the monster directly most of this movie is because it’s being shot like a home movie. When you finally do see a clear, non-shaky shot of the creature you know bad tidings are near. There are also strong tie-ins to 9/11, which left me very disturbed and almost to the point of leaving the movie midway through. This is a hard PG-13, folks, so keep that in mind- you don’t want to bring your kids to this one. It will be hard to sit through the movie and enjoy the time there.

There’s something else about this movie- there is no happy ending. This is a Hollywood movie, but there’s no Hollywood feel-good ending. Leaving the theater, I realized that the creators of this movie have no real affection for their own characters. No one comes away whole from this experience- quite literally, in some cases. People you care about will die- sometimes horrifically. One character quite literally explodes behind a curtain at one point.

On the drive home, I realized that I came away from this the same way I did from Tom Cruise’s War of the Worlds. The imagery and tone was simply too much to overcome, especially in the name and for the sake of entertainment.

Overall, I cannot recommend this movie. It’s dark, horrific at times and overall simply too disturbing to enjoy. It’s also anticlimactic, for that matter. See if only if you feel it to be absolutely necessary to see it on the big screen.

Out.