So, Paris HIlton is getting harassed by PETA.

See it turns out that the animal rights group is up in arms over Paris Hilton wearing fur. Personally I’m more upset that I even know Paris Hilton’s NAME, given that she’s famous solely for being famous- well, that and for getting the high hard one from her boyfriend in a sex video. She’s a vapid, clueless idiot who got lucky in the genepool lottery and thus thinks that this is her ticket to stardom. Combine that with the fact that she has the sex appeal of air and the personality of the same, and you come up with a clueless waste of carbon and oxygen.

So in case you’re wondering, I’m not a fan.

However, I have major issues with PETA as well. I have long thought that any really good goals PETA might have had at one time have been lost to the ridiculous public stances they’ve taken over the years. Look, I’m all for not hurting an animal if it isn’t necessary. However, I am also of the belief that almost any animal species out there is lessor to the human race. I’m cool with hunting (although I don’t hunt- not because of any belief or anything but that it tends to be boring as hell), and if finding a cure for cancer means that Bugs and Mickey have to take one for the team then so be it. Plus, I’m pretty certain that if I come across either a lion or a bear in nature then I’m pretty much the next item on the buffet for them.

Hence, I’m in a quandary. Who exactly do I root for in something like this?

Then again, maybe I go with the words of the noted philosopher Chick Magee: “In a game of losers, there are no winners.”

Out.

Every so often, we get a comment that inspires us. This one is no exception.

Props to Clia T. at www.dungtongue.com for posting this as a comment, but I’m putting it on the front page instead. Enjoy:

New Orleans Mayor to Seek Treatment for Addiction

NEW ORLEANS (AP) The New Orleans Mayor’s office confirmed today that Mayor Ray Nagin will seek treatment for an addiction to chocolate. Spokesman Marcus Spires explained that Mayor Nagin has been battling an addiction to chocolate in private for a number of years. He will enter an inpatient treatment center for 8 weeks.

Dr. Wilbur Peabody of the Oakmont New Horizon Treatment facility explained that, “the Mayor has the all the classic signs of addiction. The frontal lobes of his brain, which regulate decision making and inhibit impulsive behavior, are no longer functioning properly.”

He went on to explain the full extent of the Mayor’s obsession with chocolate confectionaries. “His Honor has consumed so much cocoa,” stated Peabody, “that he has built up a significantly high level of N-Arachidonoylethanolide - one of the main chocolate cannabinoids. He is clearly suffering not only a psychological addiction but a physical one as well.” Peabody further stated that he felt extremely confident that Mayor Nagin would be able to win his battle with chocolate. “I guarantee that after the Mayor completes our treatment program he’ll never so much as utter the word chocolate again much less eat it.” added Peabody.

On the streets of New Orleans many citizens expressed their unwavering support of Mayor Nagin. “I feel so relieved now that we know what is wrong with him.” said Tyrell Coleman age 31. “I initially was pretty pissed off at that brother for not bussing us out of here when Katrina struck. Now I know that he probably just had some kind of short term memory loss and forgot to order the busses to pick us up. It ain’t his fault. It was the cocoa.”

Other constituents echoed Coleman in their defense of Nagin. “This wasn’t the first time that the Mayor rambled on about chocolate,” said Ron Dedeaux a resident of the French Quarter. “Now it all makes sense.” Overall, most people in New Orleans felt positive that Mayor Nagin would recover and get back to rebuilding this once great city.

The Mayor’s office also announced that an interim Mayor has been selected. Mayor Nagin himself announced that he has appointed his cousin Jimmy “Showtime” Taylor to handle his mayoral duties in his absence. The selection of Nagin’s cousin was further proof to the citizens of New Orleans that things were finally starting to return to normal.

Clia Toris IV
www.dungtongue.com

Thank you very much, Clia. You made me laugh- a feat that many will attest is not too easy.

Out.

I usually refrain from using profanity in the title of a post, but in this case I really, really feel after reading this article that Pat Robertson really, really needs to just shut the fuck up.

Seriously.

No more assassination calls for the leader of Venezuela, no more suggesting that a Teletubbie is gay, no more saying the leader of one of our closest allies had a stroke as God’s wrath.

Pat… dude, just shut the fuck up. Please. You’re embarassing yourself far more than any political enemy could EVER hope to do themselves.

Out.

ADDENDUM:

Author Peter David wrote a great, great comment at the end of this post about Pat Robertson. Take a look.