It started when I was 7, and realized what being president meant.

I was sick at home on January 28, 1986. That morning, I had seen a ship heading towards the stars that didn’t get there. I saw shock, grief and tragedy in a way that my young eyes couldn’t quite comprehend. And then, I saw an old man give a speech to the nation that would convey all of our collective grief and pain in a way few of us could do. I saw that man turn into my hero.

That was the day I became a Republican.

At first, it was simply hero worship of Reagan. When I grew older I began to research further and found that the ideals that Conservatism was based upon made sense to me. My passion for Conservatism grew stronger, to the point where when I could finally register to vote (early, it turned out) there was no doubt in my mind. What I had been in spirit, I had become in reality.

My enthusiasm was only heightened by my first presidential election. I voted absentee, as I had moved to Mississippi for school but had retained my Louisiana state resident status. I voted for what was a weak candidate as I look back, but I voted with pride. I respected the economic conservative policies of Jack Kemp and the heroism of Bob Dole, and I saw past the weak debate performances.

When 2000 came along, I had hopes. I saw a man come along who had an admittedly tainted past but who preached a comeback to Conservative (and Republican, as I associated them at the time) ideals. I saw a man who called for a return to Compassionate Conservatism, and I believed him.

This was the first time I was fooled by George W. Bush.

I voted for him then, and my support for him strengthened with another national tragedy. I saw him speak to the workers searching for survivors and how the people who brought those towers down would hear of this. I saw him lead the way towards Afghanistan, taking on a regime that had directly backed the attacks of 9/11.

Then, I saw him making an argument towards Iraq.

Fooled me twice…uh, uhm… won’t be fooled again.

I supported the Iraq War, simply because I was of the belief that no matter how long it would take to heal Iraq would eventually be better than it had been under Saddam Hussein. I still believe that, though I don’t believe that our continued presense beyond a base or two serves our national interests any further. (After all, we stil have a base in Germany.) We’re seeing Iraq improve now, and get to the point where pulling the bulk of our troops is a very viable option.

So, this isn’t about Iraq for me.

I saw the government come under Republican control, and that’s when I noticed the major changes. Morality became a political game, as our nation’s concerns became less about the continued prosperity of its people and more about “protecting the innocents.” In the name of the children, we began performing more and more cutting away of our civil liberties.

Then came the change in tone. Politics has been a very cynical game for about 40 years, but it really turned with the Republican Revolution of 1994. To get the Clintons out, Republicans began a firing-off of rhetoric and bile that built up over time to where we developed a think skin towards things that would have appalled us a mere decade before. I would argue that the rise of someone like Karl Rove could only have happened after Nixon and Clinton, in fact. What used to be considered “dirty tricks” became the standard operating procedure.

2004 came along, and I voted for Bush again- again, because I thought that the tone could eventually change back towards a more civilized political climate.

I was wrong.

My last straw with the current administration came with Katrina. I saw an inept leadership turn a propserous, historically priceless jewel into a dangerous shadow of a formerly glorious city. When George Bush thought Brownie was doing a heck of a job, I was done.

I saw Democrats in Congress decide to take the tactics of Clinton and Bush and turn them upon the Republicans. I saw them sweep large numbers of Republicans out of Congress, and despite my dislike and distaste towards many in power I secretly hoped that there would be some balance in government.

Instead, I saw more bile and hatred in the name of “winning the election” come from both Democrats and Republicans. I looked around, and realized that I was associating myself less and less with Republicans in power and more with the classic Conservatism I yearned for in leadership but couldn’t find anywhere.

Then came a possible return to form, with John McCain. I had seen his run in 2000 and was inspired that he may be that return I longed for. Then, he won the primaries. In doing so, he began to change what he was saying. What had been a message of leadership became a different message, one that indicated he was willing to kowtow to what he thought needed to be said in order to win. He began taking on advisors that hed led Bush to victory 4 years earlier, and those advisors pointed him towards the same dirty pool that had soured me to Bush before.

When he announced Palin as his running mate, I had hope at first. Then, I heard her “message.”

What has finally turned me against the Republican party- or at least, the current version of it- was the idea floated out there that people who did not vote Republican were in some way “un-American” or “anti-American.”

I know many Democrats and Republicans, all of whom have wildly different personal beliefs. One thing that they have in common is a deep, true love for their country. We may differ on how we believe the country should move forward but in no way does that make us Unamerican. For someone to accuse Democrats (OR Republicans) of being Anti-American simply because they would vote for someone else is a disgrace to Conservatives and Liberals, and a mark against the very ideals this nation was raised upon. To make this sort of statement is a sign of ignorance or desperation, and neither should be rewarded with one of the two highest offices in the land.

I will not be voting for my party in the Presidential election this year, for the first time. I don’t know if I could vote for Barack Obama, since I have some very serious differences with his policy stances in multiple cases. One thing is for certain, though- I cannot vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin in good conscience, or as a true Conservative or true Republican.

Out.