Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in  Detroit . She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.

Heidi keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around about Heidi’s “drink now, pay later” marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in  Detroit .

By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi’s gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets.

Naive investors don’t really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation’s leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi’s bar. He so informs Heidi.
Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.The suppliers of Heidi’s bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms’ pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi’s bar.

Now do you understand?

Pregame: We went from a 60-year-old(!) The Dude, to Gabourey Sidobe (I think that’s her name, NEVER expected her to talk like a Valley Girl), to the wolf kid from the Twilight movies, to Meryl Streep. Hey, Kathy Ireland! (Used to have the biggest crush for her, folks. Still looks damn hot for mid-forties.)

Final notes: Hunh.

Overall an incredible night for The Hurt Locker, and James Cameron comes off as the big loser tonight. Of course, he’s crying on a bed made of hundred dollar bills tonight. So, he’s got that going for him.

Then again, maybe if he hadn’t been a ginormous prick the last time he won maybe he’d have had a better chance. So, there’s that too.

Out.

7:28 PM- Pregame’s over, and some bad J-Lo movie’s being advertised called The Backup Plan. My plan is to skip it entirely.

7:30- Oh lord, they have all the Best actor/actress nominees up there on stage again this year. At least they’re getting it out of the way early. Morgan Freeman’s looking OLD, man. The nice part though is seeing all of the newbies up on stage, along with a woman who’s been nominated 3 times more than all of them COMBINED.

7:31- Heh- “And Now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for-” Sweet, the NPH!!! W00T!!! I guarantee this is the only time you’ll ever hear “Harold and Kumar” ever mentioned on an Oscar telecast. He’s singing a tune called “No One Wants To Do It Alone.”  It’s pretty good, actually- and damn funny.

7:34- Which one looks worse, Antonio or Melanie? And Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are dropped down onto the sage from above. Heh. First big laugh of the night- “And this is Alec Baldwin.”

7:37- “Steve, that’s DAME Helen Mirren.” Funny line. So far, not bad but a couple of bomb jokes.

7:39- 3D Glasses to look at James Cameron. Well played.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t note the quite funny cut-asides to George Clooney so far, and the deadpan looks on all three actors’ faces when he is brought up.

7:47- The first nominees are up, and Christoph Waltz is being shown now. He’s considered the lead to win, and the Oscar goes to… Yup, Waltz. This was considered pretty much a fait accompli since he was first seen in Inglourious Basterds. Pretty cool- and he seems pretty humble too about it. Nifty.

7:50- Ryan Reynolds is up, to introduce The Blind Side for Best Picture- great movie, don’t see it winning though. The actor who played Michael Oher was outstanding, too.

7:55- Steve Carell and Cameron Diaz are onstage and the joke is that Jude Law was apparently supposed to introduce the Best Animated Feature Oscar with Cameron and dropped out at the last minute. The Up section of the interviews was the best. Up is the heavy favorite, and understandably so. And the winner is… Sweet! Up wins! Pete Doctor goes up to accept, and… aww, cool. He’s wearing his Junior Explorer’s Club pop cap pin. Great movie, and glad to see it win here in case it doesn’t win Best Picture as well.

8:00- The Hangover is mentioned twice here. That last statement was about as funny as the joke used to mention it. Amanda Seyfried is onstage… I luv her. I would be so happy to find ways to disappoint her. Miley Cyrus is onstage as well… meh. They’re introducing clips from Best Original Song nominees, apparently. The Winner is a song from the movie Crazy Heart, which of course stars The Dude. And some jagoff goes onstage wearing his sunglasses inside since he’s so cool and all, you know. Dude is whiter than me, and goofier looking than me as well. Oh, and he goes by the name “T-bone.” Douche.

8:05- CAPTAIN KIRK- well, the new one anyway- is up to introduce the clip for District 9. There’s some real buzz that it could be a dark horse winner for Best Picture. Certainly would be kinda cool to have a sci-fi film win.

8:09- The pizza’s hopefully gonna be here in the next 30 minutes or so. Bacon Cheeseburger pizza from Pizza Hut, in this case. I’d have cooked, but… enh.

8:11- Alec’s back onstage to introduce Robert Downey Jr. and Tina Fey. The cool factor onstage is pretty high. Plus, y’know, Tina Fey. Hawtsome. Just Sayin’. The two are damn funny so far talking about what actors and writers want from each other. “Sickly little mole people” is the best line of the night so far. Best Original Screenplay is the award, and I’d love for Up to win this one too. The award goes to… The Hurt Locker. Alright, this could be a good sign for that movie. A note to the guy, though- stop saying the word “uh,” please. First mention of the soldiers overseas, and it was a classy mention to honor them.

8:17- Molly Effin’ Ringwald is onstage with Matthew Frickin’ Broderick are onstage. That’s the only joke I’m making about this, since they’re honoring John Hughes tonight. He’s being separately honored from the normal “In Memoriam” section. That’s pretty damned cool. An aside- there’s a theory that Ferris and Sloane are figments of Cameron’s mind. This about it, and the movie makes a lot more sense. Onstage after the video tribute are several members of the Hughes Repertory. This is maybe a bit excessive, but considering that the man was as influential as he was to several generations now it’s fitting. Well played.

8:23- Twilight Twit Kristen Stewart is on the screen, not knowing who the fuck they’re talking about- then again, she NEVER knows what the fuck people are talking about. I say “fuck” here for the first time, since now we get Samuel L. Fuckin’ Jackson onscreen to introduce the clip for Up. To be fair, it was a bad motherfuckin’ movie- and the last time Samuel was in a movie involving flight it didn’t work out too well…

8:27- Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana. I have no joke here, more of an admiration of the hawtness onstage. I can, however, note the glacieresque speed of the show so far. Way too much self-fellating about how cool it is to make movies. Best Animated Short is being awarded, and the winner is… Logorama. Looks interesting, actually. I may have to check it out. I’ll also add that the guy who won is pretty damned funny. He started by apologizing for being French, and went up from there.

8:33- Same presenters, this time for Documentary Short. Someone I’ve never heard of has to run from BACK OF THE AUDIENCE to the stage to win his award. He is however interrupted by his co-winner who takes over the speech in one of the funnier moments of the night- and the piano is playing them off. Nice job, jackass lady.

8:35- SAME PRESENTERS, for Live Action Short. The New Tenants wins. Maybe if I keep this short, they’ll get someone new to present.

8:38- Oh, COME ON. Ben Stiller as an alien from Avatar. At least he’s appreciating the ridiculousness of the moment, and James Cameron can at least laugh at things now. Best Makeup is up, and Star Trek is nominated. PLEASE let it win!

8:41- Okay, the joke was worth it. The winner is… YES!!! STAR TREK WON!!! We can now call one it an Academy Award winning movie, folks.

8:43- The Dude is up, showing a clip from A Serious Man. Haven’t heard much of this movie, but I may need to see it.

8:46- Yup, Pizza Hut fucked up my order. Shocking. I cannot believe this has happened. Oh what shall I do…

8:47- Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhall onstage. Best Adapted Screenplay is up for grabs now- and as a side note, I think the pizza guy just left without bringing me ANY of my food ordered. The Winner is.. Geoffrey Fletcher for Precious. This guy sounds like he had his breath taken away from him in winning.

So, as a side note the speeches so far have been pretty cool- no complete douche acts save for Sunglass guy. Steve Martin comes back onstage to introduce Queen Latifah, and refers to their working together before as “the highlight of her entire life.” Heh.

8:56- Best Supporting Actress is up now, and Robin Williams is giving the award out. Surprisingly, he is… understated. This one is apparently Mo’Nique’s to lose if you believe everything out there. The Winner is… yup, Mo’Nique. Did she at least shave her legs for this?

Suddenly, Robin giving this award makes sense- a comedian giving the award to another comedian after both played serious roles in their award winning roles.

Samuel L. Jackson’s reaction to Mo’Nique’s somewhat overwrought and pretentious speech was priceless, awesome, and I wish they had kept it onscreen a bit longer.

9:00- Colin Firth’s onstage now to show clips from An Education.

9:05- Sigourney Weaver is onstage- 60 years old, and still looking good. Not great, but good. Best Art Direction is the award, and I hope Sherlock Holmes wins. Naturally though, it goes to Avatar. The flick gets its first award of the night.

9:08- Finally got my damn pizza order. Note the time.

9:10- Best Costume Design. Next.

9:11- I take it back. The winner’s a bitch.

9:12- Thanks to SNL, I can say that African-American Charlize Theron is introducing the clip for Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.

9:18- A spoof of Paranormal Activity that may have been, but it was damn funny. The bigger joke is that these two onstage (Tayler Lautner and Kristen Stewart) are your future of Hollywood, folks. And now, we get… a horror tribute? Really?

9:22- Now, these two can actually act. Zac Efron (yeah, I said he can act) and Anna Kendrick (with help from Morgan Freeman) introduce Best Sound Editing using footage from last year’s winner. The Winner is… The Hurt Locker. Damn, I wanted Star Trek to win again. The winner’s a humble winner, and his wife is very proud of him- and hot. Best Sound Mixing is up next immediately afterwards, and the winner is… Dang. The Hurt Locker again. Impressive, admittedly.

9:28- Elizabeth “Spank” Banks is up. She’s introing the techie awards that were done already in a previous ceremony. And the moment is brief, as we then see John Travolta introducing Inglourious Basterds.

9:34- Sandra Bullock is showing why people like her with her delivery of her lines for the introduction of Best Cinematography- and Avatar wins. So far, there’s not been any clear-cut leader in the awards tonight. It’s kinda been across the board.

9:37- Demi Moore’s onstage to introduce the In Memoriam segment. Privately, she’s mourning her career. James Taylor is playing onstage during the clips. Swayze gets the opening spot and legendary actor Karl Malden gets the final spot. Seriously, if you’ve never seen the man act you’ve missed out. He was brilliant in the movie Patton amongst other things.

9:45- J-Lo and Sam Worthington are onstage to introduce a dancing routine meant to show the pieces of music nominated for Best Score. Sam speaks, and sadly all I can hear is “Crikey!”

In case you’ve ever wondered… I fucking hate interpretive dance.

9:52- Finally. The winner is… SWEET! Michael Giacchino for Up! Excellent score, and he’s awesome overall.

9:53- Visual Effects are up, and who am I kidding? We KNOW who’s winning this. We ALL know who’s winning this. There’d be a riot if they didn’t win it.

9:55- Ahem. Avatar. Fucking DUH.

10:01- MATT DAMON. He’s introducing Best Documentary, a list of films that apparently are meant to make me not want to like anything about me, the food I eat and the world around me. The Cove wins, and for the first time ever Fisher Stevens is accepting an Oscar. Naturally, it has nothing to do with his acting. Meanwhile, some jackass puts a sign up behind him.

10:05- Tyler Perry is producing this presentation. And apparently directing it, too. On the plus side, he’s being quite funny tonight. He’s introing Best Editing, and the award goes to… The Hurt Locker. Now we have a lead movie going into the bigger awards later. SAM RAIMI GOT MENTIONED ONSTAGE AT THE OSCARS! SWEET!

10:08- Duuuuuude. Keanu intros The Hurt Locker.

10:14- Apparently, Alec and Steve’s pet names for each other are Quentin and Pedro. Meanwhile, the real Pedro and Quentin are onstage to present Best Foreign Film.  The movie from Argentina wins. Best line of the Speech: “I would like to thank the Academy for not considering N’a'vi a foreign language.”

10:18- I had concerns about Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin earlier, but those concerns are allayed by the fact that they’re damn funny.

10:23- Looks like Best Actor is up for grabs. NO IDEA who’ll win this. Meanwhile, 5 friggin’ actors are onstage to intro this one. They’re doing that “mini tribute to each actor up for it” thing that’s damned annoying. Jeff Bridges is up first.

10:26- 3 minutes later, the Jeff Bridges tribute is done. Now we go to Clooney.

10:27- Colin Firth’s tribute is on now.

10:28- Morgan Freeman’s tribute, done by his former cellmate Tim Robbins.This one’s actually the best so far because there’s a sense of humor with it.

10:30- Jeremy Renner’s tribute now, done by Colin Ferrell. Apparently there was some spooning between the two on a trip to Mexico.

10:31- 8 minutes later, we finally get the award presentation. Kate Winslet is here to present, and the award goes to… THE DUDE!!!! Jeff Bridges wins his first Academy Award, and that’s just freaking great, man. And he gets the word “groovy” into his speech, too. We abide, sir. We abide.

BTW, I will point out that Jeremy Renner’s an awesome actor. He’ll get on that stage someday, trust me.

10:35- Morgan Freeman looks PISSED. Not that I blame him, necessarily- this was the role that he was destined to play, and to lose to someone else even in a strong year like this has to suck. Meanwhile, Jeff’s still talking and he’s used the word “man” to end at least two to three sentences.

10:40- Best Actress tributes are up now. This award’s a bit up in the air too, but I’m thinking it’s going to go to Sandra Bullock.

10:42- Michael Sheen bringing up the hotness of Helen Mirren. Right there with ya, man. She’s still stunning at what, 62? It’s just unbelievable.

10:44- Oprah’s giving tribute to Gabourey Sidobe. Meryl’s name was invoked in her tribute. Great, you just jinxed her. (I preface this next joke by saying I do feel sorry for it, but it has to be done.) And apparently “America’s true Cinderella” ate the pumpkin carriage on the way home.

10:46- Stanley Tucci’s doing the Streep tribute. It’s quite funny.

10:47- The humorless troll is onstage. Here we go. The winner for Best Actress is… nice. Sandra gets her first Academy award on her first nomination. The lady’s a class act, and seeing her win this is pretty damned cool. She also has the dubious distinction of winning an Oscar and Razzie on the same weekend. Do yourself a favor and find her acceptance video from the Razzies, it’s awesome.

10:52- Fuck. FUCK. Barbra, really? FUUUUCK.

Looks like she’s introducing Best Director. Bank on this- if Kathryn Bigelow or James Cameron wins this, they’re also winning Best Picture.

10:54- The winner is… Kathryn Bigelow. Not surprising given the presenter, but right now James has to be wondering if he can get out of there early and no one would notice. Seriously, Avatar’s looking like the big engine that couldn’t. That being said, good on her for winning this.

10:58- Fuck you, Academy Awards, for playing “I am Woman.” It cheapens the moment.

Tom Hanks is announcing the award for Best Picture. And wow- they cut RIGHT to it. The Hurt Locker wins, and the upset is complete.  These folks look completely and totally excited and stoked, and I don’t blame them.

11:02- Aaaaand, we’re done.

Overall an incredible night for The Hurt Locker, and James Cameron comes off as the big loser tonight. Of course, he’s crying on a bed made of hundred dollar bills tonight. So, he’s got that going for him.

Then again, maybe if he hadn’t been a ginormous prick the last time he won maybe he’d have had a better chance. So, there’s that too.

Out.

In the spirit of this brilliant piece (and yes, I’m dead serious saying that), Cracked.com came up with the following. We’ll have the return of the live Oscar blogging this year after last year’s boycott (DARK KNIGHT!!!), and to start off the weekend right we present this tribute to Academy Award winning movies everywhere.

Presented Without Further Comment.

Out.

This isn’t surprising. From all accounts, Rick Perry was running strong in the last few weeks and Kay Bailey Hutchinson had stumbled and limped into the runoff. Pylorns had supported Medina, but as I told him the other day her biggest mistake was not being able to strongly answer a question off the cuff. No matter how she really feels about the 9/11 truthers, her poor showing on Glenn Beck (someone who could have made her a star had she played the game right) showed she didn’t quite have the chops to handle the bigger stage. A strong debate showing does not a candidacy make, as evidenced here.

So, it’ll be Rick Perry versus the mayor of Houston. Kinky’s not running for Governor this year, so you lose out on that option. Have fun, Texas voters.

Out.

See, I have a Facebook account. I’ve had it for a while now, and I’ve gotten back in touch with people I hadn’t seen in years. It’s been kinda nice, and those of us on Wetwired do keep up with each other outside of this little shindig there as well.

Except… well, except for one thing.

I’ve found that I have to maintain rules for Facebook to avoid stupid problems popping up. One of them is that I have to know who you are- meaning we have to have grown up together, have had conversations or have some sort of direct correlation to each other. It’s a fairly simple idea, and it saves me loads of hassle.

Except for one person.

See, there’s this one woman on Facebook that I accepted because everything about her says I’ve known her at some point, gone to school with her, grown up alongside her, have dozens of mutual friends and acquaintances, and in general have gone through life on at least some early parallel paths… and I have no idea who she is.

Seriously. No fuckin’ clue.

The name isn’t familiar to me. Her face is not one that comes to me clearly. I can’t place her voice. Her life is one I have no clue about, save for the fact that she clearly has some sort of tie to me- hell, she even found me on Facebook.

I ignored the initial friend request, not knowing who she was. When the second one came in, I decided to accept it- and she seems certainly nice enough. I mean, nothing odd or out of the ordinary about her save for a slightly unusual first name.

But yeah, no fuckin’ clue who she is.

I recognize that this is clearly a minor thing, given that earlier today some florist tried to friend me on there (instant ignore, by the way). It just amuses the hell out of me every time I see an update from her and clearly don’t know who the hell she is. I mean, she seems interesting and all. Certainly has her life in order, things are going well for her.

I just wish I knew who the hell she was.

Out.

—Prince William County Delegate Bob Marshall (R-13th) (link)

Marshall is now coming out and saying his remarks were taken out of context, but what, exactly, other context could there be? Sure, here he says he wasn’t saying every child with a birth defect is the result of God’s punishment for abortion. Also, he claims that there are “studies” that prove low birth weight and cerebral palsy is a higher risk factor for children born to women who have had prior induced abortions. I’ll bet the American Public Health Association has something to say about that.

“These findings confirm earlier reports of little or no evidence of harmful effects on birth weight by one or by two or more induced abortions. We further report that risk is not significantly elevated even in women with three, four, or more prior terminations of pregnancy when compared with women with one or two abortions.”

—M T Mandelson et. al., American Journal of Public Health from the American Public Health Association. (link)

There are, in fact, very few additional risk factors for the children of women who have had surgical abortions. As with any surgery, the procedure carries a risk of infection, scar tissue, and adverse reactions to anesthetic and post-op medications, but a D & C does not change the hormonal or physical health of a fertile woman. Medical (medicinal) abortions have been linked to an increased risk of placental separation in later pregnancies as the chemicals used to induce uterine contractions can make the organ more sensitive to the common pregnancy hormones later in life.

Birth weight and other environmental, non-genetic, birth defects are dependent upon the mother’s age and health. The older the woman, the more prone the baby can be to Down’s Syndrome and CP. If a woman’s body cannot afford to give the fetus proper energy and nutrition, either because of smoking, drinking, poor diet, or illness, the baby will have a lower than average weight at birth. See how I didn’t cite sources on those sentences? That’s because I shouldn’t have to. It’s printed on every can of beer and cigarette pack on the planet. There’s a pamphlet in every doctor’s office everywhere with this information. Want a source anyway? Okay.

Here

And here

And here
This kind of back peddling is ludicrous. If Rep. Marshall thinks that women who have abortions are being punished by God with children with birth defects, that’s ok. He’s allowed the think that. He’s even allowed the say that out loud. To reporters. In public. It’s just that if the people in the public who hear or read this remark then come back with evidence to the contrary, Rep. Marshall isn’t allowed to say, You took me out of context, and also I am right because there is science. First, sir, which is it? Did we misunderstand you, or did we miss out on this research you know about? Is God punishing the unrighteous sinners? And how strong is your faith in this that the griping of the people who probably didn’t vote for you is going to sway your belief and make you call a press conference to denounce your vengeful deity?

Did I take that too far? Probably. The point is he was wrong, what he said is not true. He said something that is not factual or upheld by reputable scientific research. Then he was extra wrong by saying he had studies that backed him up. Also, even if he believes his statement to be true, he’s a jackass for saying it. He’s not a pastor. He’s a politician. Though probably a lot of his constituents are Conservative Christians, and Catholics, so they oppose abortion and might support him, right?

“This is the order of nature. You do these things, you pay consequences. This is not Pat Robertson, this is not the Pope, this is not some yahoo preachers in a right-wing fever swamp.”

—Bob Marshall

Good call. Have fun campaigning in southern Virginia, Bob!

Out.

This one is a brief podcast, brought on by the brouhaha regarding Kevin Smith’s recent deplane-ing by Southwest Airlines and Finley’s insecurities regarding his own body size. Enjoy.

Comment and let us know what you think!

Listen to this via iTunes or directly below.

Out.

Entire Echelon(click for street view)  9420 Research Blvd. building is on fire (Echelon I building) – entire front structure of the building is gone.  The building is a 7 story building. People have been evacuated and traffic has been re-routed. A Piper 150 Cherokee apparently hit the building. The location is across from the Best Buy/Container Store/Whole Foods etc in the Arboretum area.

Tucker Thurman was driving to work on the U.S. 183 flyover near MoPac Boulevard (Loop 1) when he said he saw a small plane, very low, flying over the highway. He said he saw it then bank heavily to the right before heading into the building.

“There was a huge fireball. It went right into the building,” Thurman said.

Live streaming cameras:

http://www.statesman.com/news/traffic-cameras-119369.html

Update: FBI has an office in the building according to @breakingnews (This is incorrect)

Update: Ustream link live

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/northwest-austin-plane-crash

Update: IRS may have a building in there

Update (10:48am) : Fox News Streaming Video:

http://www.myfoxaustin.com/generic/news/live_news/myfoxaustin_livestream_index

Update: The AFD is looking for victims -IRS, CIA have offices but FBI states they don’t believe they have an office in that building – but near the complex or buildings.

Update (1054am): Officials say Austin plane crash appears accidental; early reports are injuries, but no initial word of any fatalities.

Update: 10:59 more on location:

Update: 11:02 – eye witness states pilot dipped the left wing – was 100 yards or less away from the building – he noticed that the plane was too low – he was coming north to south and it was coming east to west. Still two people unaccounted for in the building.

Update:11:10: Fire Chief(Assistant Chief) 2 individuals have been transported and 1 is unaccounted for now- power is out so crews can work.  Crews are currently trying to put the fire out.  Heavy fire/destruction is on the 2nd floor – impact appears to be on the 2nd floor.  Police: streets in the area – jollyville, research closed. No electricity in immediate area.  Streets and power will be shut until they get more control. Police state there are Federal offices in the building hit – but are not confirming any.

Update: 11:17 the plane *could* be a private plane traveling from Waco. Plane appears to have come down from the north and was paralleling 183 and made erratic turns before going into the building.

Update 11:26: FoxNews: Pilot set fire to his home before crashing the plane into the office building.

National News picking up the story feed. The IRS has 199 employees in the building

Update: From the bad ad placement department CNN did this.  http://www.awholelotofnothin.com/?p=250

Update: Bad comments from chat channel: : Kevin Smith was on the plane. It was too heavy to pull up.

Update 12:49 – manifesto left by Joe Stack who flew the plane into the building. Here is the actual website that has the manifesto by Joe Stack.

Here isthe whois information for that site:

Registrant:
Embedded Art
925 E Hwy 80
287
San Marcos, TX 78666
US

Domain name: EMBEDDEDART.COM

Administrative Contact:
Stack, Joe  
925 E Hwy 80
287
San Marcos, TX 78666
US
1.3215649879
Technical Contact:
Stack, Joe  
925 E Hwy 80
287
San Marcos, TX 78666
US
1.3215649879

Registration Service Provider:
Everyones Internet, 

http://www.ev1servers.net

Registrar of Record: TUCOWS, INC.
Record last updated on 16-Sep-2006.
Record expires on 05-Jun-2010.
Record created on 05-Jun-2003.

Registrar Domain Name Help Center:

http://domainhelp.tucows.com

Domain servers in listed order:
NS1.T35.NET
NS2.T35.NET

Domain status: ok

Wow.

Update 1:15 his house was in Scofield Farms. Georgetown airport officials say federal officials have sealed the airport. A plane departed at 9:40am this morning from that airport.

Update: 2:15pm Some media is trying to pin this guy as a Tea-Party-Tea-Bag Right wing nut job.  If they bothered to read the manifesto they’ll see very anti-government and anti-religion hate speech and pro-communisit anti-capitolistic speech.  He was not some right-wing nut.

Update (2/19/10 8am) Reports coming in that everyone is accounted for now in the building.

Sorry for the inconvenience, but we’ll get this nailed down as soon as we can.

Out.

Sunday: Levi Johnston (remember this guy?), 19 year old father of Sarah Palin’s grandson Tripp, will be on the cover of Playgirl later this month. Seriously, that’s how these kids are known. Tripp is not “Bristol’s son” but “Sarah’s grandson.” Levi isn’t “Tripp’s father,” but “Sarah Palin’s daughter’s ex-fiance.” Seriously, I needed to write it out on my hand just to keep the family tree straight (ouch, lame cheap shot. deal with it.) Ok, and are you ready for this? Don’t click here, naked 19 year old. I know I’m not the best judge, but I’ve studied enough Ancient Greek nudes, and Discophoros he ain’t.

Monday: I don’t even known what to do with this, but zombie Michael Jackson is going to do a duet with his sister Janet for We Are the World 25. Read about it here then never mention it again.

Tuesday: It has been almost 2 years since Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up (I guess?) but we (I) still can’t seem to believe it. Rumors circled last week that the couple got in to an altercation at a club after LiLo threw a drink at SamRo’s equipment and then SamRo had to go get a papertowl to dry off her MacBook and then TMZ said someone said Samantha was abusive. So, on Tuesday, @lindsaylohan tweeted: “This is become a bit much*Samantha R never raised a hand to me, I’ve never said she did* Enough is Enough. Focus on other more important World Issues.” @samantharonson retweeted, the pair exchanged a brief thanks/urwelcome and that was that. OR IS IT?!

Wednesday: Did you SEE John Mayer’s Playboy interview? The one where he said Jessica Simpson was like sexual napalm (wtf) and that he won’t sleep with black women becasuse his dick is a white supremacist? I’m not making this up, I swear to Jesus. “I don’t think I open myself to it. My d— is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f—–’ David Duke c—. I’m going to start dating separately from my d—.” When are these celebrities just going to keep their mouths shut? First Whoopi Goldberg has to say she doesn’t believe men landed on the moon, and now thanks to this bullshit I can probably never enjoy “Your Body is a Wonderland” again. Thanks, douchebag.

Thursday: Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are trying to make their marriage work. They are both in differing stages of rehab from drugs and alcohol, and basically living on different coasts, but they cuddled up in the back of Sheen’s private jet to totally not do blow and to completely talk about their relationship while not doing blow. There’s nothing really funny about this, because they have little kids. No kids, and this rollercoaster would be my new favorite.

Friday: “Kate Gosselin is officially single and is hitting the town. The mom of eight hit popular NYC nightspot Butter on Feb. 5 for wine and dinner, and according to Us Weekly, “mouthed, ‘He’s so hot!’ when a cute 20-something man walked past her table.” No mom jeans for Gosselin: She wore a miniskirt and strappy sandals despite it being the dead of winter. And Us reports that Gosselin’s much talked about $7,000 hair extensions are a few inches shorter now.” (The Scoop). Cougar? MILF? Gross.

Saturday: Arguably, but not really, America’s sweetheart, Stephen Colbert went to the Olympics as a member of the official USA Speedskating Olympic team. Just because he shouted it loud enough on his television show every night. This is the same way he got a piece of a god damned machine in outerspace named after him, and also how he got Doritos to sponsor his bid for the presidency. By the way, we all know that if he hadn’t dropped out of the race he would be the actual president right now.

The story goes like this, “When the U.S. Speedskating team lost its primary sponsor last fall (the Dutch bank DSB went bankrupt), the “Report” stepped in with a novel idea. The show’s ardent fans had previously raised sizable amounts of money for charity, and the show suggested that the “Colbert Nation” could sponsor the skaters. Fan donations filled the vacancy by raising more than $300,000. “Colbert Nation” is branded on the team’s suits and Colbert has had an active relationship with the squad.” (AP) Did you read that? Apathetic 18-30 somethings watching a late night television show raised $300,000 to help speedskating. Where is Obama’s press secretary? We need to have a little talk about marketting right now.

Also, I may have donated $20 of that $300 grand, because I Am America, and So Can You!

After this year, that streak will end.

Patrick Kennedy, the son of Teddy, will not seek reelection. For a quarter of this country’s history, the Kennedy family has helped to influence the political discourse and direction of the nation. Whether you like them or not, you cannot deny their influence on the nation.

To have the Kennedy clan’s political participation end like it has the last 15 years or so has been somewhat sad. The son of the president dies in a freak plan accident, the last of the most influential generation dies of a brain tumor, and a simple announcement ends an era. I don’t agree with the Kennedy family’s politics on almost any topics, but I respect the hell out of what they managed to do. Not only that, but as a red-blooded straight Amurrrhican man I have to look up to a guy who pulled in the amount and quality of ladies that ol’ Jack got. I mean, come on- the dude nailed Marilyn Monroe.

So this one time, you get a toast from me.

Out.

Submitted Without Further Comment:

Fucking awesome.

Out.