If you’ve listened to our last podcast you’ve heard us talk about our plan of world domination and better carbon footprints of midgets and midget fluffers. So the crazy thing is that we don’t have any pictures of midgets, fluffers or any pornography on wetwired. We’re work safe … well mostly. So now, do this - go to google and search for “Naked Midget Women”.

That’s right. Page 1 of the search at the bottom.. you find us. That’s what I call accomplishment.

I’ve been gone for quite a while, and I’m sure many of you don’t remember me. Once upon a time I wrote for Wetwired quite a bit. However, due to some personal thing I had to deal with for a while, I have been an absent friend, and to some extent a fallen comrade.

But no more…

When I think of Wetwired, I think of the good times. I remember when we were the destination website for Naked Midget Wrestling. If you typed in Naked Midget Wrestling into a search engine; BOOM… there’s Wetwired! No, we may not have had the fancy videos and pictures of some of the other Naked Midget Wrestling websites, but nobody talked or thought about it more than we did. Was it an obsession? No, you could say it was more of a vocation; a call to greatness from a higher power.

But it didn’t end there.

There was literally no other place on the web where you could find cutting edge Haiku poetry written about the courageous men and women of the porn industry that call themselves flufers. Wetwired was the ONLY website vanguard enough to immortalize these people the way they were meant to be immortalized; with ancient Japanese poetry

You may ask yourself what it says about us when no one else on the internet wants a piece of this action? It says we fucking rock more than autistic kids, that’s what it says about us.

So I say to thee yeah Naked Midget Wrestling, and I say to thee yeah Flufer Haiku!

But why stop there? Why not be THE online resource for intellectual discourse on anal hooks and JuJu Bees? (Not together, because that would just be unpleasant. And we’re Wetwired, not Unpleasant Wired. Come one people; let’s try to be reasonable…)

Why can’t we have both mockingly sarcastic political commentary, AND be the people that are sarcastically mocked by the rest of the online community. I say we can! I say we have it in us to shock those that they say cannot be shocked. I think we can affect the disaffected. I think there is no end to how much we can weird out the unwashed masses of lumpenproletariate simply by being ourselves. We are the creepy people on the internet that backwards churches warn their members about. Be proud of that!

So tell me Wetwired, what topics would you like to see addressed on this site?

I leave you with this:

Flufers work for a

Paycheck. Nuns vow poverty.

Do nuns fluff for free?

LIVE PROUD, LIVE CREEPY!

A look at Februarys’ search strings:

1 80 6.84% tucker max
2 47 4.02% texas porn
3 28 2.39% naked midgets
4 16 1.37% politically correct
5 13 1.11% funny asian
6 13 1.11% funny flu
7 13 1.11% street signs
8 13 1.11% white pride
9 11 0.94% ozomatli street signs
10 10 0.85% raiderettes
11 9 0.77% coloring book land
12 8 0.68% santana cd
13 8 0.68% texas boobs
14 7 0.60% funny midgets
15 7 0.60% going away letter
16 7 0.60% ozomatli street sig-
17 7 0.60% toyota volta interior
18 6 0.51% love is fleeting
19 5 0.43% asian funny
20 5 0.43% fluffer pics

Yes midgets and fluffers, that’s what we’re all about.

Well we’ve finnally made it to December. It’s been a quick year this year. I’m sure at some point I’ll do a year in review or recap, but right now, I’m just acknowlegding that we’ve made it here and we have 24 days till Christmas. Do guys feel like you’ve got the Christmas spirit yet? I think what I miss is being a kid again, knowing that Santa existed and that I’d wake up with all sorts of new goodies.

Well, halfway into September, the search strings haven’t changed much, cause most of you are still looking for the same old stuff…

# Hits Search String
1 871 20.57% midgets
2 352 8.31% huge tits
3 222 5.24% huge breasts
4 189 4.46% blow up dolls
5 176 4.16% large breasts
6 144 3.40% mary cary
7 80 1.89% breasts
8 73 1.72% boob
9 66 1.56% 9/11/01
10 65 1.54% natural breasts
11 59 1.39% large tits
12 52 1.23% 9-11-01
13 52 1.23% carlie brucia
14 48 1.13% boob jobs
15 46 1.09% huge boob
16 43 1.02% natural women
17 42 0.99% britany spears
18 42 0.99% natural tits
19 34 0.80% huge women
20 34 0.80% the day after tomorrow

Top 20 of 762 Total Search Strings
# Hits Search String
1 843 18.54% midgets
2 657 14.45% huge tits
3 233 5.12% huge breasts
4 148 3.25% large breasts
5 134 2.95% blow up dolls
6 115 2.53% mary cary
7 95 2.09% superman’s son
8 94 2.07% dodge challenger
9 80 1.76% 2006 dodge challenger
10 68 1.50% natural breasts
11 65 1.43% boob jobs
12 65 1.43% large tits
13 62 1.36% natural tits
14 60 1.32% boob
15 50 1.10% ken caminiti
16 48 1.06% huge boob
17 44 0.97% huge women
18 39 0.86% breasts
19 38 0.84% christopher reeves
20 38 0.84% women tits

YES!!! Midgets are the top search string. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here .. for a while. Of course all the rest are about tits, or huge tits..

So far for the month of May - top search strings to reach wetwired.. Midgets! A close second, “huge tits” Not a bad combination I suppose.

# Hits Search String
1 1579 29.50% midgets
2 646 12.07% huge tits
3 191 3.57% 2006 dodge challenger
4 169 3.16% huge breasts
5 139 2.60% large breasts
6 112 2.09% ken caminiti
7 107 2.00% mary cary
8 100 1.87% blow up dolls
9 83 1.55% large tits
10 78 1.46% boob
11 67 1.25% dodge challenger
12 65 1.21% dodge challenger 2006
13 64 1.20% boob jobs
14 60 1.12% natural breasts
15 54 1.01% breasts
16 53 0.99% 2006 challenger
17 46 0.86% natural tits
18 43 0.80% britany spears
19 42 0.78% huge boob
20 40 0.75% street signs

When I die, I want to have midget pall-bearers. That way if they drop me, I won’t fall as far. And really, what’s cooler than being carried over the shoulders of 12 midgets to your final resting place?