“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children… In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”

—Prince William County Delegate Bob Marshall (R-13th) (link)

Marshall is now coming out and saying his remarks were taken out of context, but what, exactly, other context could there be? Sure, here he says he wasn’t saying every child with a birth defect is the result of God’s punishment for abortion. Also, he claims that there are “studies” that prove low birth weight and cerebral palsy is a higher risk factor for children born to women who have had prior induced abortions. I’ll bet the American Public Health Association has something to say about that.

“These findings confirm earlier reports of little or no evidence of harmful effects on birth weight by one or by two or more induced abortions. We further report that risk is not significantly elevated even in women with three, four, or more prior terminations of pregnancy when compared with women with one or two abortions.”

—M T Mandelson et. al., American Journal of Public Health from the American Public Health Association. (link)

There are, in fact, very few additional risk factors for the children of women who have had surgical abortions. As with any surgery, the procedure carries a risk of infection, scar tissue, and adverse reactions to anesthetic and post-op medications, but a D & C does not change the hormonal or physical health of a fertile woman. Medical (medicinal) abortions have been linked to an increased risk of placental separation in later pregnancies as the chemicals used to induce uterine contractions can make the organ more sensitive to the common pregnancy hormones later in life.

Birth weight and other environmental, non-genetic, birth defects are dependent upon the mother’s age and health. The older the woman, the more prone the baby can be to Down’s Syndrome and CP. If a woman’s body cannot afford to give the fetus proper energy and nutrition, either because of smoking, drinking, poor diet, or illness, the baby will have a lower than average weight at birth. See how I didn’t cite sources on those sentences? That’s because I shouldn’t have to. It’s printed on every can of beer and cigarette pack on the planet. There’s a pamphlet in every doctor’s office everywhere with this information. Want a source anyway? Okay.

Here

And here

And here
This kind of back peddling is ludicrous. If Rep. Marshall thinks that women who have abortions are being punished by God with children with birth defects, that’s ok. He’s allowed the think that. He’s even allowed the say that out loud. To reporters. In public. It’s just that if the people in the public who hear or read this remark then come back with evidence to the contrary, Rep. Marshall isn’t allowed to say, You took me out of context, and also I am right because there is science. First, sir, which is it? Did we misunderstand you, or did we miss out on this research you know about? Is God punishing the unrighteous sinners? And how strong is your faith in this that the griping of the people who probably didn’t vote for you is going to sway your belief and make you call a press conference to denounce your vengeful deity?

Did I take that too far? Probably. The point is he was wrong, what he said is not true. He said something that is not factual or upheld by reputable scientific research. Then he was extra wrong by saying he had studies that backed him up. Also, even if he believes his statement to be true, he’s a jackass for saying it. He’s not a pastor. He’s a politician. Though probably a lot of his constituents are Conservative Christians, and Catholics, so they oppose abortion and might support him, right?

“This is the order of nature. You do these things, you pay consequences. This is not Pat Robertson, this is not the Pope, this is not some yahoo preachers in a right-wing fever swamp.”

—Bob Marshall

Good call. Have fun campaigning in southern Virginia, Bob!

The Weekend Week’s End Wrap Up for February 7-13 is brought to you by the best of celebrity trainwreck relationships.

Sunday: Levi Johnston (remember this guy?), 19 year old father of Sarah Palin’s grandson Tripp, will be on the cover of Playgirl later this month. Seriously, that’s how these kids are known. Tripp is not “Bristol’s son” but “Sarah’s grandson.” Levi isn’t “Tripp’s father,” but “Sarah Palin’s daughter’s ex-fiance.” Seriously, I needed to write it out on my hand just to keep the family tree straight (ouch, lame cheap shot. deal with it.) Ok, and are you ready for this? Don’t click here, naked 19 year old. I know I’m not the best judge, but I’ve studied enough Ancient Greek nudes, and Discophoros he ain’t.

Monday: I don’t even known what to do with this, but zombie Michael Jackson is going to do a duet with his sister Janet for We Are the World 25. Read about it here then never mention it again.

Tuesday: It has been almost 2 years since Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up (I guess?) but we (I) still can’t seem to believe it. Rumors circled last week that the couple got in to an altercation at a club after LiLo threw a drink at SamRo’s equipment and then SamRo had to go get a papertowl to dry off her MacBook and then TMZ said someone said Samantha was abusive. So, on Tuesday, @lindsaylohan tweeted: “This is become a bit much*Samantha R never raised a hand to me, I’ve never said she did* Enough is Enough. Focus on other more important World Issues.” @samantharonson retweeted, the pair exchanged a brief thanks/urwelcome and that was that. OR IS IT?!

Wednesday: Did you SEE John Mayer’s Playboy interview? The one where he said Jessica Simpson was like sexual napalm (wtf) and that he won’t sleep with black women becasuse his dick is a white supremacist? I’m not making this up, I swear to Jesus. “I don’t think I open myself to it. My d— is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f—–’ David Duke c—. I’m going to start dating separately from my d—.” When are these celebrities just going to keep their mouths shut? First Whoopi Goldberg has to say she doesn’t believe men landed on the moon, and now thanks to this bullshit I can probably never enjoy “Your Body is a Wonderland” again. Thanks, douchebag.

Thursday: Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are trying to make their marriage work. They are both in differing stages of rehab from drugs and alcohol, and basically living on different coasts, but they cuddled up in the back of Sheen’s private jet to totally not do blow and to completely talk about their relationship while not doing blow. There’s nothing really funny about this, because they have little kids. No kids, and this rollercoaster would be my new favorite.

Friday: “Kate Gosselin is officially single and is hitting the town. The mom of eight hit popular NYC nightspot Butter on Feb. 5 for wine and dinner, and according to Us Weekly, “mouthed, ‘He’s so hot!’ when a cute 20-something man walked past her table.” No mom jeans for Gosselin: She wore a miniskirt and strappy sandals despite it being the dead of winter. And Us reports that Gosselin’s much talked about $7,000 hair extensions are a few inches shorter now.” (The Scoop). Cougar? MILF? Gross.

Saturday: Arguably, but not really, America’s sweetheart, Stephen Colbert went to the Olympics as a member of the official USA Speedskating Olympic team. Just because he shouted it loud enough on his television show every night. This is the same way he got a piece of a god damned machine in outerspace named after him, and also how he got Doritos to sponsor his bid for the presidency. By the way, we all know that if he hadn’t dropped out of the race he would be the actual president right now.

The story goes like this, “When the U.S. Speedskating team lost its primary sponsor last fall (the Dutch bank DSB went bankrupt), the “Report” stepped in with a novel idea. The show’s ardent fans had previously raised sizable amounts of money for charity, and the show suggested that the “Colbert Nation” could sponsor the skaters. Fan donations filled the vacancy by raising more than $300,000. “Colbert Nation” is branded on the team’s suits and Colbert has had an active relationship with the squad.” (AP) Did you read that? Apathetic 18-30 somethings watching a late night television show raised $300,000 to help speedskating. Where is Obama’s press secretary? We need to have a little talk about marketting right now.

Also, I may have donated $20 of that $300 grand, because I Am America, and So Can You!

“The military yesterday maintained its support for the so-called GT200 bomb detectors by conducting a demonstration in front of reporters instead of putting it through scientific tests as demanded by academics. The bomb detector, which is widely used in the restive South, became the subject of controversy after the UK banned the export and use of a similar type of bomb detector going under the name of ADE 651 and arrested its manufacturer Jim McCormick.” (The Nation)

Why, exactly, might the UK ban the export of a bomb detector, and arrest the manufacturer of the device? Well it has something to do with this,

“The director of a British company that supplies bomb detectors to Iraq has been arrested on fraud charges, and the export of the devices has been banned, British government officials confirmed Saturday. Iraqi officials reacted with fury to the news, noting a series of horrific bombings in the past six months despite the widespread use of the bomb detectors at hundreds of checkpoints in the capital.” (NY Times)

Oh, wow, clearly there is a real flaw in the design of these bomb detectors. Let’s see how this thing works and why it might have such a spectacular failure rate.

The ADE and ATSC corporate websites are… um… “under construction” at the moment, so I went to check out the website for the GT200, the model under investigation in Thailand

Here is a video from the E-K9 website– Intro to the GT200

Yea. That’s it. That’s their video, from their professional, promotional, buy-this-product-from-us website.

Here’s another one– Detection in Airport Security

Those men are wearing uniforms. And they are training to search for bombs. Think about that.

The website never, never, comes right out and tells you what the hell this plastic box with an antenna actually does, or how it works, but fortunately there is a little place called Wikipedia, where the truth shall always come out.

“The ADE 651 consists of a swiveling antenna mounted via a hinge to a plastic handgrip. It requires no battery or other power source, its manufacturer stating that it is powered solely by the user’s static electricity. To use the device, the operator must walk for a few moments to charge it before holding it at right angles to the body. After a substance-specific ‘programmed substance detection card’ is inserted, the device is supposed to swivel in the user’s hand to point its antenna in the direction of the target substance. The cards are claimed to be designed to ‘tune into’ the frequency of a particular explosive or other substance named on the card.“

Okay, so that tells us… nothing. Maybe that New York Times article has a little move info…

“Iraqi officials said they would begin an investigation into why their government paid at least $85 million to the British company, ATSC Ltd., for at least 800 of the bomb detectors, called ADE 651s… The ADE 651 is a hand-held wand with no batteries or internal electronic components, ostensibly powered by the static electricity of the user, who needs to walk in place to charge it. The only moving part is what looks like a radio antenna on a swivel, which swings to point toward the presence of weapons or explosives. An associate of ATSC, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of retaliation, said the devices were manufactured at a cost of $250 each by suppliers in Britain and Romania. ‘Everyone at ATSC knew there was nothing inside the ADE 651,‘  he said.”

Nothing in it? $85 million dollars? Thousands of dead Iraqi citizens because these things are NOT detecting bombs?

“The Iraqi government, according to its auditors, paid $40,000 to $60,000 for each device, although it determined that ATSC was marketing the device for $16,000. The additional money was said to have been for training, spare parts and commissions. The Times of London quoted Mr. McCormick in November as saying that the device’s technology was similar to that of dowsing or divining rods used to find water. ‘We have been dealing with doubters for 10 years,’ he said. ‘One of the problems we have is that the machine does look primitive. We are working on a new model that has flashing lights.‘ Shortly after the arrest on Friday, the BBC reported that it had arranged a lab test of the device and found that its bomb-detection component was an electronic merchandise tag of the sort used to prevent shoplifting.”

This man is NOT an idiot. I want to be very clear on that. This man is not delusional enough to actually believe that an empty plastic box can detect a bomb. It’s like he said, it’s very similar to dowsing. A man walking around with a stick hoping to find water, a soldier walking around with an antenna trying to find a bomb, subconscious movements of the user effecting the device he or she is holding, it is EXACTLY the same thing. And Mr. McCormick doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that he is selling a useless product at a disgusting mark up to a war torn and desperate country. He doesn’t care that he is almost directly responsible for bombings that have killed innocent people.

However, he was a business man with a great idea. Lot’s of products that don’t really work are on the market, and people will buy just about anything if the commercial is colorful and loud enough (I still miss you, Billy Mays). The person responsible for signing the contract, the person who saw this product and agreed to let it be a prevalent security measure in Iraq, is an idiot. The complete lack of critical thinking, or investigation, or even asking for any studies done by ATSC proving the validity of their claims (peer reviewed, double blind studies performed: None. Zero. Ever.) is beyond belief. But, whatever, buyer beware, let the free market decide, what’s the harm in the placebo effect, random chance is better than nothing. It’s not like it’s going to hurt anyone.

We try not to plug too many other things around here. Except for all those times where we did just that. And by “we” I basically mean Pylorns and to a lesser extent Finley, who I am completely not throwing under the bus at all in any way, because I will shamelessly name drop and publicize anything I want to any goddamned time.

Brian Dunning is the host of one of my favorite podcasts, Skeptoid. This weekly show is usually about 10-15 minutes long, and it is jam-packed with knowledge and production value. Brian is a man who really does his homework, and backs up nearly everything he says with a footnote as if he was writing a thesis for my 300-level Baroque critical analysis class (Hey Dr. J!) The show is fun and easy to listen to, but it really does focus on applying critical thinking to a lot of pop culture and pseudoscience.

This week’s episode, “Did Jewish Slaves Build the Pyramids?” (answer: No) is a really fun one, and it addresses an issue I’ve run in to a LOT. I went to Catholic school for, like, ever, and had a lot of teachers who said everything in the Bible was true, and a lot who said it was kind of true, and one who told me to go to the principal’s office when I asked if there were aliens on other planets and if God would have to send Jesus to die for their sins too. The question of faith aside, a fair number of people who claim to not take the Bible as an infallible document will look you in the eye and tell you that the Hebrews were enslaved in Egypt under Ramses II and built the pyramids, etc… etc… dead babies and raining fire and so forth. There are even theories claiming to give scientific explanations for the Plagues of Egypt. These are all, in a word, bullshit.

Give the link a once over, at least, and go back through the archives. He’s got over 100 episodes covering everything from Wheatgrass Juice to the Illuminati (that one’s a musical!) If you absolutely hate everything in it, I will personally give you the 12 minutes of your life back.

Skeptoid.com

Greetings all! I know I’ve been terribly inconsistent here, but most of that is Finley’s fault. See, back on January 1, Fin and I made a little bet that went something like: if my state owns your state in the Citrus Bowl, you owe me tasty treats. As you should recall, Penn State got a miracle field goal in the final seconds, taking LSU 19-17. Fin was now obligated to send me glad tidings from the land of his people, which, let’s be honest, is a thousand times better than receiving a gift basket from MY native land. Zucchini is out of season and Yuengling can’t be sent USPS. Other than that I’ve got some Hershey’s kisses and this Amish quilt. Cornflower blue pinwheel pattern!

Anyway, our boy did not disappoint. Twenty-some pounds of cajun deliciousness arrived at my door and I have been cooking ever since. Watch for my upcoming jambalaya and dirty rice recipes. Also the man sent me moon pies. Moon pies!

Sunday: The Saints are going to the Super Bowl. The NEW ORLEANS SAINTS. The SUPER BOWL. The real one. The game. Not the Super Dome. The Bowl. The  New Orleans Saints. What the what? WHAT THE WHAT?

Monday: The Secure World Foundation (best name ever) and  the Regional Centre for Space Science and Technology Education in Latin America and the Caribbean {CRECTEALC (brevity fail)} hosted a three day conference to discuss how much the US is not doing to protect the planet from asteroids. I’m sure they discussed a lot of very important things here, but most of what I gathered from this article is there are a lot of really awesome committees out there. The Association of Space Explorers (ASE), representing the international corps of astronauts and cosmonauts, for instance.

Tuesday: Did Leonardo paint himself as the Mona Lisa? No. Should some people go to France and dig him up? No. Lisa Gherardini was a person, a charming, lovely, intelligent person married to the rich and influential Francesco del Giocondo who was friends with Leonardo. Leonardo painted a portrait of this woman, who was, by all accounts, no great beauty but really fun to have dinner with. Leonardo of Vinci drew HUNDREDS of self-portraits, why does any one think he would try and screw with everyone painting himself as a woman? What are the facial similarities? Eyes? A nose and high forehead? Being Italian? Stop it. It’s not even that great of a painting. There, I said it.

Wednesday: My aunt and uncle went to Haiti. They agreed to live there for a month treating trauma patients. They drove 2 tons of medical supplies from West Virginia to Miami and hopped a government plane to the island. And it would be really, really cool if you guys could donate a little to help them out. Read the details here.

Thursday: Hey guys, there’s this hip new category of domestic abuse that’s sweeping the nation. It’s called ‘reproductive coercion,” and it may have a whole lot to do with the United States’ sky-rocketing teen pregnancy rate. In violent relationships, some men show their control of their partners by denying them access to contraceptives and urging them to get pregnant. This idea is A) disgusting and B) terrifying. It’s disgusting because it is one human being forcing another human being in to a life altering situation against her will. It is terrifying because “about one in five women report their partner having attempted to coerce them into pregnancy. (Newsweek)” We should probably really start monitoring that.

Friday: Brad and Angelina broke up. No they didn’t. Someone else better come along and do something tabloid worthy.

Saturday: Rip Torn robbed a bank (for realsies).

The Weekend Week’s End Wrap Up for December 27, 2009 through January 2, 2010 is brought to you by my full, mostly complication free, complete and total recovery from heart surgery. The doctor signed a piece of paper and everything!

Sunday: It was the 1473th anniversary of the dedication of the Hagia Sophia, Justinian’s Byzantine cathedral, the largest in the world for nearly 1000 years. The dome is supported by pendentives, and was the first recorded use of this structure, which allows a round dome to cover a square space. The rich mosaics and marble columns stand today as some of the greatest decorations in the Christian tradition. Also, Tila Tequila announced that she was pregnant. Only, not yet. She’s going to be a surrogate for her brother, um, because, hold on, let me find that quote…. oh, yea, “I don’t have time to take care of a real baby of my own — not yet however — I feel I am very ready to experience the whole pregnancy process but without having to actually have the baby my own to take care of.” (Access Hollywood) We’ve come a long way, society.

Monday: AHEM. “What do cats do when their owners are away? There was one way to find out — ‘cat cams.’ Fifty house cats were given collar cameras that took a photo every 15 minutes. The results put a digital dent in some human theories about catnapping. Based on the photos, about 22 percent of the cats’ time was spent looking out of windows, 12 percent was used to interact with other family pets and 8 percent was spent climbing on chairs or kitty condos. Just 6 percent of their hours were spent sleeping.” (AP) No, I call bullshit because I had this idea first. Ned and I would stare at the National Geographic Kids Pet Cam in the toy aisle at Target and debate the best way to trick my cat in to wearing it around the neighborhood. I can’t remember if we actually thought she was having adventures or if we wanted to spy on the neighbors, but I sure didn’t get any grant money for it.

Tuesday: Scientists have a plan to live on the moon. I know this is going to sound really complicated and space agey and full of technology, but here’s the plan: we can live in a hole. ” ‘We discovered a vertical hole on the moon,’ an international team of scientists recently announced.   … Similar Mars caves have found and also envisioned as potential shelters, should humans desire to return to a sort of modernized cave man existence.” (Britt) Thank you, Science, I always knew that somehow we would build a giant rocket, fly, visit another planet, create a false atmosphere and grow pork in a laboratory, and then we would go live in a cave. Also, thank you Robert Roy Britt, for what is possibly the most well-researched and eloquently written article ever. Really, just, great quotes there. Awesome. I cite my sources over 78% of the time, can I be the managing editor of LiveScience too?

Wednesday: That is SIR Patrick Stewart to you. Officially. Queen Elizabeth II officially knighted Sir Captain Jean-Luc. This is made even more awesome because also knighted at the ceremony was Sir Erich Reich, “a refugee from Nazi-occupied Europe who organized last year’s 70th anniversary of the ‘Kindertransport,’ which brought 10,000 children to wartime Britain” (AP) That extra touch of gravity and import was immediately removed when, at a separate but related ceremony in New Zealand, somebody knighted Sir Peter Jackson.

Thursday: Sylvia Brown’s predictions that came true in 2009: 1) There will be significant problems with gangs in Texas and Louisiana, as well as Oakland, California. Assuming she meant “on going” and “not particularly newsworthy.” 2) There will be flooding in Kansas, Missouri and the southern states. “But just about the same as you would expect based on geography and what happens there every year.” 3) Two plane crashes on the East Coast. Assuming she meant “of the United States” and counts a military helicopter air ambulance (Georgetown, South Carolina).

Friday: Sylvia Brown’s predictions that did not come true in 2009: 1) There will be a major bank robbery involving a Brinks truck in Los Angeles. Sorry, Sylvia, but that was three years ago and in Oakland. 2) Nichole Richie will separate from her husband. Nicole Richie isn’t married. Never was. 3) “Most banks are safe, so you shouldn’t panic.” That’s an actual quote. For real. From one of the most famous, richest psychics in the world. Over 140 banks failed in 2009. One of them was Washington Mutual. DID YOU JUST READ THAT?! Read it again.Why does anyone still listen to this woman?

Saturday: I wasn’t sure if I should discuss the Irish blasphemy law, which is dumb, or the expedition that found the remains of the first airplane to fly over Antarctica, which is really awesome, so, here, read these yourself.  New Irish Law Says Anything You Say About Religion is Blaphemy and Atheists Are All Like “Fuck You.” Douglas Mawson’s One Hundred Year Old Plane Found in Antarctica Oh, and I’m going to talk about the blasphemy law. The new law, which was apparently changed because only Christians Catholics Christians were protected by the old blasphemy laws. So now in Ireland you are breaking the law and owe someone $35,800 if you say anything “grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion.” So, what’s a substantial number? Is it a percentage? Does pissing off 1 million Jews (7.7 percent) count as much as pissing off 1 million Muslims (there are 1.57 billion Muslims, so one million is basically nothing)? On a local scale, in Ireland, how much does it take to piss off every member of a non-Christian religion? Would telling my, “What do you get when you send your daughter to Catholic school? A lesbian,” joke cost me the equivalent of a my junior year of college? This is a bigger cluster fuck than England’s libel laws.

Happy Xmas, WetWired readers!

Close, personal friend of mine (sort of) and of the site (after I conned him in to that interview) George Hrab did a great episode for his podcast last week. Episode 145 of The Geologic Podcast is “The Sort-of Kind-of-ish Best-of The Geologic Records Catalog Although Not Really.” It’s a really great mix of some of his more quirky, funky, fun songs that are hard(er) to find without buying his albums. Which you completely should.

Listen here

So listen, laugh, relax, and have a great weekend. Merry Christmas!

BREAKING-NEWS: Susan Sarandon, legendary sex pot, cult movie hero, and liberal tree hugger, has broken up with her long time partner, the legendary sex pot, cult movie hero, and liberal tree hugger Tim Robbins.

Their age difference (she is 63, he is 51), their high-profile careers, and the fact that they never married drew criticism over the 23 years they were together, but Sarandon was quoted as saying, “I won’t marry because I am too afraid of taking him for granted or him taking me for granted — maybe it will be a good excuse for a party when I am 80,” which is basically the most romantic thing ever.

A publicist for the couple announced that they had split over the summer and refused further details, but you know me, I am not above wild conjecture and People magazine. So, um… oh, wait, People doesn’t have any other details. Neither does E! Online… What the HELL, Hollywood? Do these people not Tweet?!

I predict an onslaught of photos of Sarandon with Pierce Brosnan. This tasty old-people combo wrapped up filming for the upcoming drama “The Greatest” earlier this year. The film is due to be released next March. Sarandon and Robbins are basically the Brad and Jenn for the over-45 set anyway, so an on-set meet up and break up would only be fair. Pierce Brosnan, you are the new Angelina Jolie. Congratulations!

Below, Finley gives a lovely toast to actress Brittany Murphy. She was cute, she was lovely, she made me laugh. She was 32. Reports (as yet uncomfirmed by her publicist and family) cite cardiac arrest as the cause of death. In a few days we are all going to find out about her terrible drug use and eating disorder. As if we didn’t know already.

There are approximately zero other explanations for why an active, otherwise healthy, 32-year-old woman would drop dead in her shower. This is tragic, but it is not at all uncommon. And I am sick and really fucking tired to seeing it play out over and over again.

—–

“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” – recently, Kate Moss.

Really, Kate Moss? Because I’ve been there, and let me tell you, ’skinny’ sort of feels like I’m starving to death. Which was, at the time, the point.

Anorexia is not about being pretty. Anorexia is about being in control. Eating disorders are not about physical appearances. Eating disorders are about emotional turmoil and psychological illness. Restricted diets, binge-and-purge habits, appetite suppressants; these are all methods of controlling the one thing a person can truly claim as their own. Whether the objective is to punish ones self, a wild chase of some imagined perfection and the praise that accompanies it, or, as I once felt, a very strong and real desire to fade completely away, to shrink as small and invisible as possible, eating disorders are a clear sign of a dangerous mental illness.

While American society may put a great deal of emphasis on physical beauty, and this may cause undue pressure on women to diet or exercise to achieve the “right” look, eating disorders are not caused by society pressuring girls to be thin. The kind of person who puts themselves through that is not succumbing to peer pressure. Less than one percent of the population suffers from anorexia, as characterized by a host of physical signs indicated by BMI, blood potassium levels, and lung function. The onset of anorexia is often triggered by personal or family trauma, an increase in stress, or by hormonal changes in the body. An eating disorder can be a sign of the onset of major depression in a young teen. An obsessive attempt to alter her physical body may be the teen’s way of acting out when she cannot change or control the actions of her mind.

I, as the case was, fell in to this latter category. Luckily, for myself, my family, and my friends, I received the proper treatment from medical professionals. I was not told to “accept my body,” or “love myself for who I was.” I was not reminded every day that those skinny girls in magazines and on runways were airbrushed and painted and that I could be beautiful no matter what my weight. I was not told that true beauty was on the inside. I wasn’t starving myself to be beautiful. I didn’t want people to love me for who I was. The person on the inside was sick, just like the person on the outside. And they both had to get better.

Kate Moss is a great example of what everyone expects an anorexic girl to be. She wants to be skinny, she lives for it. She makes her living doing it. Well let me tell you her secret: it’s bullshit. All of it. And her little quip, quoted above, is the manta of a disgusting little subculture of pro-anorexia advocates. The internet gave rise to this idea that their illness is just a life-style choice, and banding together in chat rooms and on message boards there is an entire generation of young women who believe that destroying their kidneys, thyroids, and heart tissue is an accepted diet plan.

You want to know who’s thin? Sandra Bullock. Seriously, go see “The Blind Side,” she looks fantastic. Every sane woman in this country would kill to look like her. Crazy girls, girls with serious, life threatening illnesses, are killing themselves to look like Kate Moss. That isn’t thin. That’s skeletal. This complacency, allowing the cause of eating disorders to be shifted away from the individual to some imagined zeitgeist, is killing people. Fifty percent of anorexia sufferers will attempt suicide. Upwards of 10% will die from complications from the disease. Like Brittany Murphy. Like Karen Carpenter (32), Luisel Ramos (22), Elianna Ramos (18), Heidi Geunther (22). Others will be severely disabled, like Terri Schiavo. She was trying to survive on a liquid diet, and purging after meals, before a potassium imbalance stopped her heart, leaving her in a vegetative state for 15 years.

Isn’t that just glamorous?

Top two reasons Sir Elton John is not allowed to adopt a baby:

1) He’s too old.

2) He’s not married.

This is the official reasoning behind the pop star being denied the adoption of an HIV-positive Ukrainian orphan.

Hold up. “HIV-positive Ukrainian orphan.” Did I read that correctly?

“The 62-year-old pop star met 14-month-old Lev at a home for HIV-positive children in September. But he was refused permission to adopt the boy because he was too old and not married.” (AP)

Who wrote this, Lifetime? Let me pitch the script now: A gay man overcomes every obstacle to become one of the most famous musical superstars on the planet, but in the end all he wants is a family, and this he is denied. He only wants to open his heart to this waif, this HIV-positive Ukrainian orphan boy with no one in the world to love him. How will he overcome?

I want to meet the person who signed this paperwork. Ok, let’s see here, fabulously wealthy international celebrity, has more money and resources than the Queen, wants to provide a home for this abandoned, tragically ill infant. Age: 62? Golly what’s the life expectancy in England anymore? 79? On average? Well, we can’t have any statistically-likely-18-year-old-orphans, now can we? Well, maybe his wife is younger… ah, here, spouse is 47. Named David? Oh no, that kind of “married” might be legally recognized in the country where this baby would be, but not here in Ukraine it isn’t!

To his credit, and true to everything we have come to know and love about Sir John, he is not taking this quietly. His husband David Furnish has released that the couple plans to launch a campaign to change the laws regarding same-sex marriage and international adoptions. Also, John says he will do whatever he can to make sure that baby Lev is provided for. They are talking with social workers about setting up a trust for the boy’s medical expenses and education. Which, by my count, is astronomically more love and devotion than any one else has ever shown this kid.

Allow me to sum that info up for you. “Suck it, Ukraine, this kid is going to have a gay daddy whether you like it or not.”

Bonjour et Bienvenue au Récapitulation de Fin de la Semaine du Weekend pour Novembre 22-28, l’édition internationale!

Sunday: Silva Kashif, 16, was lashed 50 times after a judge ruled her knee-length skirt was indecent. Sudan, ruled by Islamic Shariah law, has come to the international spotlight over the last two years for the government’s harsh and ever-changing “indecency laws” for women. Kashif’s family plans on suing the police who arrested the girl and the judge who handed down the sentence, claiming that Silva is a Christian and should be exempt from the religious law. “Kashif’s lawyer Azhari al-Haj told Reuters he was preparing a case against the police and judge for arresting and sentencing an underage girl. He said according to the law, people under 18 should not be given lashes.” Cultural relativism? Fine, whatever, if you want to be ruled by a strict Islamic legal code, go for it. However, in this case, the victim was a Christian minor. Well, way to hit a little girl, Sudan. You sure showed her, I’ll bet she’s lining up to convert all ready.

Monday: LARGE. HARDON. COLLIDER. It works. It’s running. No one died. Lots of teeny, tiny, mind-bogglingly, counter-intuitively small explosions at speeds your human brain cannot possibly understand are being mapped RIGHT NOW at CERN laboratories in Switzerland. And France. Becuase this thing is HUGE. Now, I’m not a particle physicist, and I can’t pretend to be, so I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to be seeing, but check this shit out. (Click here for photos of crazy science)

Tuesday: Only in Sverige. “Swedish police say they’ve cleared a man who was arrested for allegedly murdering his wife after deciding the culprit was most likely a moose (AP).” Last year 63 year-old Agneta Westlund was found dead after taking an evening walk through the woods. Her husband was originally arrested and held for 10 days before charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. Now, analysis of hair and saliva found on Westund’s body is leading investigators to believe she was attacked by a moose.

Wednesday: Ahem… “Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sought to expand Tehran’s influence in Latin America and deepen his alliance with Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez on Wednesday in a visit that offered him a platform to defend his country’s nuclear program. Chavez and Ahmadinejad were to meet Wednesday afternoon to discuss cooperation in energy, investments, trade and other areas. It was the final leg of the Iranian leader’s three-country goodwill tour of Latin America, after stops in Brazil and Bolivia. Iran has helped Venezuela set up factories that assemble cars, tractors and bicycles, and Iranian businesses have sent crews to build public housing under contracts with Venezuela. Both Chavez and Bolivian President Evo Morales have offered support for Iran’s nuclear program, saying it is peaceful and not aimed at developing nuclear weapons as the U.S. and European nations fear (AP).” Those italicized words are the parts I don’t believe.

Thursday: The Hajj, or annual pilgrimage to Mecca, began, and spurred a rash of swine flu craziness. Of the 2.5 million pilgrims, only some 10% had been vaccinated against H1-N1. Seventy-three cases had been reported, including 5 deaths, by the end of the rite on Sunday, though the full extent of the virus transmission will probably not be known until next week, after the pilgrims have returned to their home countries. “Saudi officials, along with American and international health experts, worked to curb any outbreak during the hajj. Health officials circulated among the sprawling tent camp at Mina where the pilgrims lived and gave the faithful cheek swabs for testing later. They also placed hand sanitizer dispensers on walls in the camps, near public bathrooms and at ritual sites, while pilgrims arriving at Saudi airports were scanned using a thermal camera and offered a free vaccine (AP).”

Friday: The parents of American Amanda Knox are being investigated for defamation after claiming Italian police brutalized their daughter before her arrest over a year ago for the November 2007 murder of her roommatein Perugia. This was to be the final week of the case, with a ruling expected in the next few days. Knox, her former boyfriend, and a fellow student are all facing various charges in the slaying of Meredith Kercher, of Leeds. Ina case ripped from th seediest episode of Law and Order: SVU, Kercher was tortured, raped, and killed during a strange, drug fueled sex orgy… thing. Details of the case are either “not released” or completely turned upside down by the Italian press. This case is never going away, is it?

Saturday: The Red Cross released a report stating that as many as 10,000 African albinos are now living in hiding after a recent rash of killings in East Africa. “The report says the market for albino parts exists mainly in Tanzania, where a complete set of body parts — including all limbs, genitals, ears, tongue and nose — can sell for $75,000. Wealthy buyers use the parts as talismans to bring them wealth and good fortune (AP).” Albinism has long been seen as a sign of bad luck or infidelity in many African cultures, and now many believe that people more with this pigmentation disorder are mentally retarded. Albinos in East Africa are rarely sent to school, and are forced in to menial jobs outdoors which puts them at great risk for skin cancers. The latest killing happened in late October in Tanzania’s Mwanza region, where a 10 year-old boy was beheaded and dismembered. Local healers and “witch doctors” claim albino body parts can have healing properties. These practices have seen a rise in business over the last few years, as African governments spurn Western medicines, most notably in South Africa under President Mbeki.

The Weekend Week’s End Wrap Up in pop culture drama-rama for November 15-21 is brought to you by Michael Jackson’s sparkly spangly glove which sold for more money that you’ve ever heard of.

Sunday: This didn’t happen until the 21st, but it’s my favorite story of the week and also Sunday is God’s day (That’s the Jesus-God, not the other ones). Pope “The Pope” Benedict XVI invited hundreds of artists, masters and craftsmen of all media except photography, pottery, screen printing, animation, 3D and digital design, fiber arts, sequential art and illustration, fashion design, metal and jewelry design, and graphic design, to attend a speech at the Sistine Chapel. The Pope said he would like to “renew the Church’s friendship with the world of art,” and urged all artists* to put a sense of spirituality in to their work, citing contemporary aesthetics as “illusory and deceitful.” To hold this meeting under the machismo that is Michelangelo’s ceiling fresco** is a total tease to the art world. Hey, Holy See, none of us are working. You have all the money. Start building some chapels. Don’t the cardinals need some new basilicas? You got any bell towers in the works that could use some statuary? Does that ceiling need touched up at all? It can be just like the old days. Like, the really, really old days. We’ll rediscover perspective if you want! Give us some jobs!***

Monday: Hey, did I tell you guys I got swine flu? Well, I did, and it was terrible. For two days. Here’s how swine flu works. First you have the worst headache you’ve ever had in your life. Then you feel better. Then you wake up and your lungs feel like they are filled with fiberglass. And you can’t breathe because your head is filled with angry bees and they are stinging your eyeballs and ear drums. And then you get a fever and feel like you are going to absolutely die because there is no possible way a human can deal with this. Then the fever breaks and everything is fine and you have a really bad cough for like a week. So that was cool.

Tuesday: Adam Lambert, the runner up on last season’s American Idol, and my personal new celebrity boifriend, is finally featured on the cover of Out magazine. It’s a gay magazine, in case that wasn’t incredibly obvious. Oh, and Adam Lambert is also gay. That was already obvious. I say “finally,” because Lambert’s label would not allow him to be featured previously on the cover of the mag. According to the Editor-in-Chief Aaron Hicklin, “it’s only because this cover is a group shot that includes a straight woman that your(Adam’s) team would allow you to be photographed at all — albeit with the caveat that we must avoid making you look ‘too gay.’ ” Following the advice of upstanding citizen and master of good judgment Gene Simmons, no one thinks an openly fabulishious performer will sell records. Adam, baby, put on an extra coat of eye liner, unbutton your shirt a little more, kiss that drag queen a few more times, and pose your little heart out. You’re here, you’re really queer, and they need to get used to it.

Wednesday: Evangelical Christians from the Living Waters Church (Publications? LLC? Couldn’t really figure it out. Also, I’m pretty sure “living water” is a term homeopaths use to describe drinking urine. Not that I’m poisoning the well here…) decided to… protest.. Charles Darwin, somehow, by handing out copies of “On the Origin of Species.” Except for the 50-page forward written by Ray Comfort (yes, really), founder of Living Waters, nothing in the book has been changed. Darwin’s work has not been commented on or modified in any way. 2009 has marked the celebration of Darwin’s 200th birthday, and next week will celebrate the 150th anniversary of the first publication of “On the Origin of Species.” I’m not exactly sure how this is supposed to encourage people to disprove evolution, but I would sure like a nice free copy of this book.****

Thursday: Nobel Peace Prize winner Mr. Al Gore, Former Vice President of the United States, appeared on the hit NBC show 30 Rock. The Academy award winning director and author played himself in a hilarious self-mocking bit in which he discusses “going green” with TGS assistant Kenneth. Go watch it.

Friday: “On Friday, ‘New Moon’ set an all-time domestic high for opening day with $72.7 million, topping the previous record of $67.2 million by last year’s ‘The Dark Knight.’” REALLY? Who are these people that like non-violent, non-scary, non-bloody vampires? WHO? That’s all vampires are for! They are dead and gory and scary and stalk you in the night and kill you or turn you in to an undead monster-creep and then people try to pelt you with Communion wafers or rip out your organs and cut off your head. Oh, and going outside in daylight makes vampires burn to death. Not sparkle. VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE. Don’t even get me started on the hell-beasts that werewolves are supposed to be.

Saturday: MJ’s ridiculous (come on, we can say that now, right? It was dumb. It was garish, it was crazy gay, except not in a fabulous way, but in a way-too-many-rhinestones-for-human-eyes way) glove, that he wore at the debut of his moonwalk in ‘83, sold for… hold on a second here… oh, right, “for $350,000 — plus tax — on Saturday. Winning bidder Hoffman Ma of Hong Kong will pay $420,000, including taxes and fees, for the rhinestone-studded, modified golf glove Jackson wore on his left hand for his moonwalk on Motown’s 25th anniversary TV special.” (AP). See all that detail there for no reason? That’s the joke.

*Painters and sculptors. Because that’s all the art that the Church ever needed. Way to step all the way in to the late 18th century there, Vatican.

**For real, that dude could not paint women. Check out some of those Sibyls. They’re like Roman soldiers with grapefruits stuffed in their shirts.

*** My fellow art grad Ned: “The Catholic Church funding art again is going to be like when I was a kid and went to Hershey Park’s Christmas thing, and then years later I wondered why I hadn’t done it in a while and went back and it wasn’t so great.”

****NOTE: Much of Darwin’s findings from 1859 have been modified, discarded, expanded upon, or otherwise changed in the intervening century and a half. Creationists like to say that this PROVES Darwin was “wrong.” Just like how Mendeleev was wrong because he hadn’t discovered all of the elements before he published his Periodic Table. Just like Babbage’s difference engine was useless because it didn’t pick up Wi-Fi.

So every year at exactly this particular time, I celebrate a very special holiday called Halloweenmas. It’s a lot like Halloween, except I make a huge deal out of it, and send out cards, and remind people to celebrate, and go on and on about the joys of the season, and decorate my house, just like most of you obnoxious Christmas people. So take that.

I go overboard with the costume (this year, I’m a lady bug). I dress in black and orange for a week and pass out candy to co-workers. I have a collection of plastic spiders, black-and-orange strings of lights, and several CDs of haunted house sound effects. But my most cherished Halloweenmas tradition is throwing a big, ridiculous party and walking around drinking Bloody Marys from a plastic Party City mug shaped like a skull. This is approximately 10,000 times better than snowflake sweaters, Jingle Bells, and egg nog.

Happy Halloween, readers and fellow crew members. Now, here is Barack Obama dressed as a super hero beating up pirates.

The Weekend Week’s End Wrap Up for October 18-24 is brought to you by completely true, nice and accurate reporting of actual events.

Sunday: A young boy took flight in his family’s experimental balloon. It was experimental in that it looked sort of like Jiffy Pop except it could fly and also may have been used to inspect tornadoes eventually because that is the kind of thing the Henne’s do for family time. The whole bit about flying popcorn, though, was the real reason the 6-year-old, 48lbs. Colorado boy hid inside of a basket attached to a 20ft mylar balloon. If the Henne family already looked familiar before they went on TV to report that their boy was making a major Wizard of Oz escape, it is because they have appeared twice already on the ever popular ABC docudrama “Wife Swap.” Falcon “Yes, his name is Falcon,” Henne was found in his attic, which is not, in fact, suspended from a Mylar balloon.

Monday: From Reuters and Fox News: “ Scientists claim the giant atom-smashing Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is being jinxed from the future to save the world. In a bizarre sci-fi theory, Danish physicist Dr Holger Bech Nielsen and Dr Masao Ninomiya from Japan claim nature is trying to prevent the LHC from finding the elusive Higgs boson. Called the “God particle,” the theoretical boson could explain the origins of mass in the universe — if physicists can find the darn thing. The scientists say their math proves nature will “ripple backward through time” to stop the LHC before it can create the God particle, like a time traveller who goes back in time to kill his grandfather. “One could even almost say that we have a model for God,” Dr Nielsen says in an unpublished essay. “He rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.” “While it is a paradox to go back in time and kill your grandfather, physicists agree there is no paradox if you go back in time and save him from being hit by a bus,” Dannis Overbye wrote in the New York Times. “In the case of the Higgs and the collider, it is as if something is going back in time to keep the universe from being hit by a bus.” “It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck,” Dr Nielsen told the New York Times. “

Tuesday: From the Associated Press, “MEXICO CITY – Apolinario Chile Pixtun is tired of being bombarded with frantic questions about the Mayan calendar supposedly ‘running out’ on Dec. 21, 2012. After all, it’s not the end of the world. Or is it? Definitely not, the Mayan elder insists. ‘I came back from England last year and, man, they had me fed up with this stuff.’ “ Clearly, this is meant to distract us Westerners from the real Mayan communications with Atlanteans and Martians in their plan to turn Jupiter into a new Sun and to move to Europa and Io, to save themselves from the asteroid impact, solar flares, magnetic pole shifts, super volcanoes, and John Cusack movies coming to destroy the world in the next three years.

Wednesday: As we all know from the Twitter Trending Topics side bar, Kanye West (RIP) died in a tragic death when his platinum diamond-studded Escalade careened off the side of the road into a cornfield because he and his driver were both stricken with simultaneous heart attacks. Desperate to exit the vehicle in the hopes that a news camera might be waiting outside to capture his final, remarkable and world-changing words, Mr. West lashed so violently that he caused the entire truck to flip on to its side and burst in to flames. Witnesses claimed to see the image of Kanye West as an angel, a la his mural featured on MTV Cribs, in the rising smoke.

Thursday: I don’t know if I read this article correctly, but it appears that a University of Yorkshire study found that copper and/or magnetic bracelets are totally useful in giving the wearer a general feeling of lightness. Or it cured arthritis, but only in wrists and probably not really in knees, though a lot of people wearing the bracelets said their knees felt better because they KNEW the bracelets made theirs knees feel better. No one in the study felt strongly enough about the bracelets to discontinue their arthritis medication, but they said they took the pills mostly for the placebo effect.

Friday: Mole day! Which, according to both Wikipedia and my 10^th grade chemistry teacher, is “an unofficial holiday celebrated among chemists in North America on October 23, between 6:02 AM and 6:02 PM[1], making the date 6:02 10/23 in the American style of writing dates. The time and date are derived from the Avogadro constant, which is approximately 6.02×1023, defining the number of particles (atoms or molecules) in a mole, one of the seven base SI units.” Which is pretty cool and also the most useful information in this wrap up.

Saturday: Obama does not want to shut down Fox news. He does, however, want to shut down our comment war regarding his wanting to shut down Fox news because WetWired.org is currently getting more attention than the actual Fox news website, which really cuts down on the attention being given to his fake media war to distract everyone from the fact that he is a Reptoid. He told me so in his weekly email he sends me to keep me up to date on the AGENDA and also how the last Dan Brown novel ended.

Yes. Yes! My life just got awesome.

Access Hollywood

In a pairing that would rock the reality world of multiple births, Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman — who has 14 kids — said she’s crushing on Jon Gosselin, who has eight kids of his own.

“I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin,” Suleman told Radar Online. “I think he’s hot!”

However, in a strange burst of reason, she said:

“I don’t think any single mother of any amount of kids should start dating,” she explained, but said she’s open to dating someone “when the kids are older.”

I believe what she meant was a single mother with 14 kids should not start dating. Way to keep making headlines, Nadya,