It’s been awhile, but I’m finally back from India and reasonably settled. Here are some haikus for your seasonal enjoyment.

Bounding down the stairs,
Eyes alight in wonderment…
What has Santa left?

Dashing through the snow,
In a one-horse open sleigh…
Stopped by traffic cop.

Icicles twinkling.
Colorful lights are dancing.
Presents sit waiting.

Instead of cookies,
what Santa really wanted…
Heated seat warmer.

Sniper on rooftop
slowly focusing her aim.
Red mist obscures view.

Curiosity.
Strange sound coming from cellar.
Decapitation.

What’s in the freezer?
Are you sure you want to look?
Dahmer dinnertime.

Blindfolded and gagged,
he begs for someone to help.
Chainsaw motor starts.

Ok Ok. Those were a bit gruesome. I was in a gruesome mood. It happens. Hopefully I haven’t scared away any of the new readership. I’m a nice guy. Really. It’s just that I watched Last House on The Left, Phantasm, 28 Days Later, and House of 1000 Corpses over Halloween and I’m reading an ancient paperback of old proto-horror short strories called The Dark Side. This tends to have Mr. Brain visiting murky, shadowy alleys that are normally best left undisturbed. I’ll leave my next set of haikus up to you, the reader. I was thinking about some soft-core Harlequin romance passages. Comments or suggestions?

Oozingly yours,
Self-Inflicted Wound

Monkey smoking crack.
One puff, two puffs, three puffs, four.
Monkey on the floor.

Children at the zoo…
Monkeys escape their cages…
Kids flee in terror…

Look out, Superman!
Screeching Bubonic Monkey
leaping from that tree!

Lurking in darkness,
Ebola Death Monkey waits,
sharpening his fangs.

There you have four of my favorite monkey haikus written during my CrackMonkey days.

Love,
Self-Inflicted Wound