I have a super power. Notice I didn’t say that I am a super hero. That would take up too much time, and I have things to do. Mostly, surf the web, catch movies, fill up on podcasts and then there is that whole work and basic life maintenance.

Back to my super power, basically I have one of the tightest, most tuned ability to suspend my sense of disbelief. It may not sound like much but it is so much more useful in real life than say - flying.

No really, think about the ten last ridiculous things your boss asked of you. Now imagine being able to entertain the thought that they are making sense on some level, without having to accept it as being valid. I am sure I saved my tummy all sorts of ulcer activity over my career.

Being a giant media slut I am always at the movies, reading, gaming, listening to podcasts, and, when lucky, seeing theater. So naturally being able to be caught fully in any story is important. Overall, it is pretty imperative to my way of life. Summer movies always push my power to crazy limits.

This year it failed me entirely, in a great big sad way.

I started the season off strong: Iron Man was genius. I even liked Speed Racer, some how. Then the gauntlet: Indian Jones, Sex and the City, Zohan (shudder), The Hulk, Get Smart. I managed to find something good about all of them. Since I love musicals I saw Mama Mia! twice and adored every second, save that one bad, bad song by Pierce Brosnan. That one hurt a little as I have always adored him and maybe that was where the cracks started. Although, the first shot was probably the butt catching of fish in Zohan. Yes… I will blame that instead of my beloved Remington Steele.

Hellboy II didn’t quite cut it but I just dug down deep and managed to enjoy “the pretty” and only left the theater feeling a teeny bit empty, wishing dearly that they had included a plot.

Fortunately, The Dark Knight came in to fortify me. Not only was it a wonderful super hero movie, it was a damn fine film. Plot, character, deep meaningful themes, assuming you wanted to think that hard. Actually, I really liked that bit. I could sit down and think hard, wonder and feel a little too. That is really what story telling is all about.

And then the end. All I can say in my defense is that it SHOULD have been great. It SHOULD have been astounding. But no… it was a great big pile of poo, probably steaming. The Mummy:Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

How could that get screwed up? Jet Li, Michelle Yeoh, Russell Wong and Brendan Fraser - this should have been brilliant. It should have been a no brainer, and it was but not in a good way. More of a “if I had a lobotomy” way. They even took off yummy Brendan’s shirt which I really appreciated.

But it wasn’t quite enough. Right about the point when we got to:

Oooh Yetis, Yay!!!!! Big furry CGI things that aren’t really here and therefore we will all look in slightly different directions, “We are good , they are bad - kill them”….

and they did…

there was a slight popping sound in the back of my brain. I briefly considered smashing my head into a theater seat. Unconsciousness seemed the best route. At minimum a concussion might make it less horrific. However, the rows are too far apart at my favorite theater for that to be practical. Fortunately, the Alamo serves alcohol and ice cream.

My best suggestion is to go to watch the trailer over and over instead. It is pretty terrific. For now, I am taking a week away from the theater to recuperate and heal in my DVR fortress. Lost, Burn Notice, Flashpoint, Swingtown, House, and the rest of my friends will help me mend. After all, I am only part way through the summer movies.

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This entry was posted on Monday, August 11th, 2008 at 10:03 am and is filed under movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.