Archive for February, 2007

Oscar Time Again.

Oscar night is here again, hence the running blog. No doubt this will be a long night, but I’ll suffer for my art once more. Read on…

POST SHOW NOTE: Overall, not a bad night. Ellen was pretty bad as a host, though. I don’t know who was writing for her, but her comedy efforts were flat and uninspired. The overall winners’ list, on the other hand, had to have been voted on by Sybil. I mean, nothing seemed to make sense… well, at least until Scorcese got the Oscar. That fucking rocked.

Read on, to see my thoughts as they happened on the show.

Out.

Continue reading ‘Oscar Time Again.’

Eight Years Ago.

Eight Years.

Pylorns and I have known each other for a little over 8 years now, but that’s not really the focus of this little post. Actually, the period of time is only relevant because of something I found recently during the move up to The OKC.

See, one of the items I got rid of in my move was a very old wooden chest my great-grandfather had owned as a tool chest. I had kept it for nearly 20 years myself, but it finally met its fate during an attempt to move it out of my old apartment. The chest contained 18 years worth of memories and such, almost all of which was unsalvageable as during that period of time the chest internally began to break down further. In fact, every time I had attempted to open the chest in the last few years it resulted in an allergic reaction that would leave me miserable for several days on end.

One of the items I removed from my ownership in this move was an old copy of a newpaper that circulated across the LSU campus for one semester in 1999. This newspaper, such as it was, was called The Spectrum. It was the brainchild of a couple of guys who lived outside of LSU’s South gates, Matt and Jason.

Why is this important, you might ask?

It’s not, really. Well… save that it was the first publication that I participated in as a writer.

I had found information on the launch of the paper through flyers on LSU’s campus I was still in school at the time, though practically in official capacity. The events of the previous summer were still weighing heavily on me, and my participation was limited to making sure I was on campus and little more. I had already shaken off that semester as a loss, and was able to convince the school to let me drop the semester and retake my courses the next semester. As I was walking around the school, I found the flyer looking for interested writers.

Within two weeks, I was the Entertainment editor for The Spectrum.

God, I wish I was joking on that point.

It was bad enough that I hadn’t really developed any sense of a writing style. Further, I had never been published save for one letter to the editor in the 8th grade where I espoused the timeless tradition of sticking up for MTV, wth such viable and legendary artists as Paula Abdul and Bryan Adams. (Fuck it. I was 12 at the time, so sue me. Although, it was a bit funny finding my parents only learning of this letter once it was published…) I was by default the Entertainment Editor for a paper just launching a month later.

Needless to say, I sucked.

Badly.

Seriously- a Hoover vacuum sucked less than those articles did, and I didn’t care one bit for one simple reason. I got paid.

Actually, it was funny in that my writing wasn’t the worst thing about the paper. First issue, I’m not kidding, ends up getting some free publicity in the other newspapers for the campus by having its “babe of the day” on the back, wearing short shorts and an open LSU baseball jersey. After the flack, the paper decided to run pictures of pets instead.

Well… not for long. From what information I could gather, the paper got screwed by someone that had advertised then refused to pay the two grand for the ads. It folded at the end of the semester, and last I heard the guys who ran the paper sold all of the equipment on eBay.

Eight years later, and I’m still writing. I’ve found my style and voice, thankfully. I’ve long since left college behind and have moved onto the real world with its fun and frivolity.

And yet… and yet I still remember those simpler times and look back with a sense of nostalgia. In a period of time in my life when few things made sense, this was… fun.

Out.

The New Generational Dividing Line.

I’ve found it.

I’ve finally found that line of demarcation between Generation X (My generation, natch) and the one that came after me. It’s rather obvious actually, once you see it.

I refer, of course, to MTV’s My Super Sweet 16.

If you haven’t heard of this show, the premise is simple. Take one teenage girl whose parents are filthy rich. Add one spoiled attitude combined with a MASSIVE sense of entitlement, throw in a few temper tantrums about “Daddy not paying enough to get Usher” as well as a couple hundred thousand in cash, mix it together with an MTV crew following around and you have “like, the best Sweet 16 party ever!”

Ask anyone above the age of 20 about this show, and they will rail against its very existence. Never mind that MTV sold out about a decade and a half ago when they stopped showing music videos. THIS is the last straw, damnit!

Now, go to any teenage girl below the age of 18 and you’ll hear quite the opposite. See, this show is everything that their life should be! I mean, like, shouldn’t mommy and daddy like, you know, do this anyway for them? I mean, it’s like… SO not fair that they can’t get two brand new cars for their 16th birthday and that they’re stuck with whatever crappy car they got instead. And God forbid, that it’s USED!!!

(By the by, if you haven’t guessed where I fall in the spectrum then make sure you start wearing diapers since you’re obviously too stupid to keep from shitting yourself.)

Me, I’m hoping that MTV is purposefully editing this to show it for what it really is: a spotlight showing how pathetic it is to be this bunch of spoiled little bitches who never had to want for anything, never had to suffer from mommy and daddy not giving them every little desire from their cold black little useless-as-fuck hearts, and never knew the pain of being (GASP!) middle class. That would be the only excuse for showing this tripe, other than as a warning spotlight for any potential suitor for these wastes of youth.

Oh, and if they’re not? If MTV isn’t intending for the irony to drip from this like water from an bad faucet?

Then that, my friends, is the true line in the sand for Generation X and Generation Y. We’ll just completely give up on hoping MTV can stop completely SUCKING ALL ASS, at that point.

Out.

Racial (in)equality?

Tonight the little woman and I went out to a huge movie theatre that we’ve gone to for years and for the first time met face to face with a majority of the community that transplanted from New Orleans from the Hurricane Katrina. You might ask, do I feel sorry for them at all? Sure maybe cause they lost their homes. But on the whole, no. Not after what I witnessed. How can our society breed such an unappreciative angry mob?

I got my answer in something simpler than I could have ever imagined and I pointed it out to my lady friend and we both realized it was very much true. What was it? A coke commercial.

Take a good look at the video. What was the last major step forward, or major thing that is recognized? There have been some accomplishments, but we continue to look to the past - we look 40 years into the past. 1963 was the last time the black community had a strong leader? What has happened since then?

You know what was most disturbing, I saw a black guy I knew by face only, never met him, he had worked at my old corporate job. He and his wife were walking out at the same time and I saw him shake his head. Not soon after I heard some of the Katrina people say something like “uncle tom”. I could see it in his face, not shame. Anger. Anger that men of the same race just didn’t get it. Anger that they discriminated against him for wanting to succeed. Not because he wanted to be the first black executive, but because he knew he was the best man for the job. Anger that he had worked hard, stood up and said “This is me, I am a man,” not, “I’m black, you owe me something.” I look at other countries when I travel, this sort of thing just doesn’t happen. But here, inequality runs deep.

The crazy thing is that myself and the little woman both come from two southern states that have a great deal of racial tension. In moving here it was so refreshing to meet people who were just nice, down to earth. Austin is such a great melting pot of people who in reality get along very well. Maybe its because Austin is a bit more liberal? I’m not sure but tonight, as I drove home I was quickly reminded of what I left behind. And the sorrow I felt for that man who got so angry. Can I understand exactly how he felt? No. But I can empathize.

Requiesat in Pace, Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007 (Or… Is This Really A Surprise?)

So, the Texas Sized Playmate is dead.

Honestly, the only thing more surprising than Anna Nicole Smith dying today was that it didn’t happen sooner. This woman was a walking train wreck, a former stripper turned model who took the modicum of fame she got for showing off the goods in Playboy and turned it into 14 years of manic behavios, erratic weight gain and loss, drugs and C-List celebreality status. Her last few months of life were marked by her own son dying, the birth of her daughter, an odd paternity scandal and finally a lawsuit against the pills she popped to lose the weight.

Maybe now, the girl can finally find some peace. God knows, she didn’t find it in life.

Out.

Harold and Kumar 2

Looks like they are back finnally… now on their way to Amsterdam.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0481536/fullcredits

To the Asshole That Stole My Knife From The Wingate Hotel In Oklahoma City…

I doubt that you’ll read this.

See, it may have just seemed like a folding knife you stole from me a few weeks ago. I know it must have seemed like a prime opportunity, sitting there on the desk alone. I had hoped by now that I’d have gotten a call from the hotel saying it had been found. This message is me giving up hope on that. So now, I’m going to tell you about that knife.

That knife that you took from my room while I went to the restaurant wasn’t just a knife. It was a gift from a close friend. More specifically, it was a gift to remember a person who I was very close to before his passing. That knife was very important to me, hence me bringing it with me on that trip instead of leaving it in my old apartment for a couple of weeks.

And you took it from me.

I’ll find another knife, I’m sure. I could go to Wal-Mart tonight and pick up another one like it Except…

Except it won’t be Mr. Mike’s knife. And because of you, I’ve lost a very tangible reminder of someone I miss dearly.

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself or something, but you’re not worth it. Instead, I hope you get may years of use from that knife. I hope that it lasts for years and a valuable tool. I hope that as the new owner, you hold onto it and use it until it finally breaks from years of stress and wear, thus serving the purpose that the man who bought it originally intended before he was taken from this world.

Certainly, that must have been better and more important than my needs for it as a keepsake and a reminder of true friendship, right?

Must have been, for you to take it from me.

Out.

Your 2006-7 Super Bowl Champions… The Indianapolis Colts.

Only one thing to say about the game tonight.

DAMN, that was ugly.

Out.