Archive for January, 2006

Damn You, Pylorns!

Sonovabitch, he’s done it again.

See, for about a year now he’s been touting Half-Life 2 as this incredible game, and that i should pay the (then) 50 bucks to get it. I always resisted, because- well, 50 bucks is expensive.

So Friday, the latest Fry’s ad comes out and they’re selling it for 30 bucks. I decided I’d give the game a shot at a 40 percent cheaper price.

I buy the game, install it and sure enough… I’ve played it every night.

On the plus side, I’ve payed less for it than he did. So, I’ve got that going for me.

Which is nice.

Out.

I’ll Never Figure This Out.

I was doing a little site maintenance a bit ago, and saw that there was a new Trackback for one of our older articles. Checking it out, it turned out to be a link for an online casino. Naturally, I deleted it. We don’t do the whole Spam thing here at Wetwired, and our logic is simple- if you want to advertise on our site, you need to cough up the cash.

Pretty simple, I’d think.

As I deleted that, I noticed that the Junk Trackbacks list had some items in it. MovableType, as one of its features, filters out trackbacks that are considered Spam. I opened the folder… to find 2412 junk trackbacks. Interested in this, I took a look at the listed items before I deleted them all.

Apparently, the online casino websites are doing well in terms of getting other blogs to talk about them. Not only that, but the cheap boner pill market is a popular subject. Mind you, we’ve never discussed EITHER ONE OF THESE on Wetwired before.

Or maybe, we have. Maybe subliminally when I was discussing the 2004 NLCS Champions one day I was really talking about cheap Viagra pills sold online. When Pylorns was discussing his top 5 movies he was really alluding more to being able to gamble online. Yeah, that’s gotta be it, right?

Out.

This Comment Was Too Good To Leave Where It Was…

Every so often, we get a comment that inspires us. This one is no exception.

Props to Clia T. at www.dungtongue.com for posting this as a comment, but I’m putting it on the front page instead. Enjoy:

New Orleans Mayor to Seek Treatment for Addiction

NEW ORLEANS (AP) The New Orleans Mayor’s office confirmed today that Mayor Ray Nagin will seek treatment for an addiction to chocolate. Spokesman Marcus Spires explained that Mayor Nagin has been battling an addiction to chocolate in private for a number of years. He will enter an inpatient treatment center for 8 weeks.

Dr. Wilbur Peabody of the Oakmont New Horizon Treatment facility explained that, “the Mayor has the all the classic signs of addiction. The frontal lobes of his brain, which regulate decision making and inhibit impulsive behavior, are no longer functioning properly.”

He went on to explain the full extent of the Mayor’s obsession with chocolate confectionaries. “His Honor has consumed so much cocoa,” stated Peabody, “that he has built up a significantly high level of N-Arachidonoylethanolide - one of the main chocolate cannabinoids. He is clearly suffering not only a psychological addiction but a physical one as well.” Peabody further stated that he felt extremely confident that Mayor Nagin would be able to win his battle with chocolate. “I guarantee that after the Mayor completes our treatment program he’ll never so much as utter the word chocolate again much less eat it.” added Peabody.

On the streets of New Orleans many citizens expressed their unwavering support of Mayor Nagin. “I feel so relieved now that we know what is wrong with him.” said Tyrell Coleman age 31. “I initially was pretty pissed off at that brother for not bussing us out of here when Katrina struck. Now I know that he probably just had some kind of short term memory loss and forgot to order the busses to pick us up. It ain’t his fault. It was the cocoa.”

Other constituents echoed Coleman in their defense of Nagin. “This wasn’t the first time that the Mayor rambled on about chocolate,” said Ron Dedeaux a resident of the French Quarter. “Now it all makes sense.” Overall, most people in New Orleans felt positive that Mayor Nagin would recover and get back to rebuilding this once great city.

The Mayor’s office also announced that an interim Mayor has been selected. Mayor Nagin himself announced that he has appointed his cousin Jimmy “Showtime” Taylor to handle his mayoral duties in his absence. The selection of Nagin’s cousin was further proof to the citizens of New Orleans that things were finally starting to return to normal.

Clia Toris IV
www.dungtongue.com

Thank you very much, Clia. You made me laugh- a feat that many will attest is not too easy.

Out.

So Then Daylight Come, and Me Wan Go Home…

I believe I’m now of the opinion that Harry Belafonte has lost his fucking mind.

Bad enough, when he shows up next to Socialist Venezualen leader Hugo Chavez at an anti-America Rally. (I remind you that Chavez has pretty much called himself a Communist ally of decrepit Cuban leader Fidel Castro.) Bad enough, he calls the president of the United States of America the world’s leading terrorist. But now?

Now, he’s apparently gone out of his fucking gourd.

Okay, never mind the fact that comparing the Dept. of Homeland Security to the Gestapo stretches hyperbole so thin that you could see clearly through it. The idea that you would compare any organization of the US Government to the SS is just absolutely absurd- and for that matter, a bit insulting to the memory of the countless MILLIONS killed by the SS to compare them to those of us whose primary (and for a large part of the population, ONLY) complaint about the last four years is that we have to wait in line at the airport a little longer than before.

Harry Belafonte has the right to not like George Bush. Hell, I voted for the man twice and there are NUMEROUS things about him and his administration I don’t like. However, the difference between Belafonte and me is that I have a firm grip on reality, while Belafonte appears to have lubed his up a bit with bullshit before losing it entirely.

Out.

To Star, In Response.

In the post I wrote about David Hasselhoff, a comment was made by Star requesting that I not use “out” as the ending of my posts. Here is the comment in its entirety:

Is there any chance you can stop ending your posts in “out”? We’re not trying to communicate over Army telephone here, and the advent of your personal avatar effectively means “out.”

In case you think I’ve to type more:

Out.

First of all, I’d like to thank Star for enlightening me as to the error of my ways. See, up until a few minutes ago I thought I was your average GI Joe, working to fight Charlie in the jungles of Vietnam. Now, I’ve seen the light.

Second, I’d like to thank Star for pointing out how apparently I’m very, very stupid. See, apparently I didn’t know that the little drawing there at the end of this post meant that the post ended. I just kept reading and reading and reading… but not anymore!

Now, as to why I end my posts with “out…”

A long time ago, I wanted something to serve as my closing signature. I was using “My thoughts, anyways” for a while but I felt it was too long. I wanted something shorter, and “out” came into play. It’s a tradition of sorts for me to use “out,” and as such I continue to use it and WILL continue to use it until I so choose to discontinue the usage thereof.

Oh, and by the way Star? If you haven’t figured it out yet, and need something to clarify what this post is supposed to mean?

Lighten up, pal. You don’t like it, just ignore my posts and we’ll be even.

Out.

Selfless Promotion

One of our good friends here at Wetwired, whom will remain nameless to protect the innocent, has just recieved a major and well deserved promotion.

This is simply to say “Good on you, Mate!”

New Orleans Mayor Nagin: Racist

In his Martin Luther King Jr. Day speech the wonderful mayor of New Orleans likened the city to that of a chocolate city. Wow, here’s a quick guess at who won’t be mayor next term.

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (CNN) — Mayor Ray Nagin on Tuesday apologized for urging residents to rebuild a “chocolate New Orleans” and saying, “You can’t have New Orleans no other way.”

“I’m really sorry that some people took that they way they did, and that was not my intention,” the mayor said. “I say everybody’s welcome.”

Nagin added that he never should have used the term “chocolate.”
Across the Hurricane Katrina-ravaged city, many voiced their displeasure with the mayor’s Monday remarks at a Martin Luther King Jr. Day speech. One Web site even began peddling T-shirts showing Nagin with a top hat along with the caption “Willy Nagin and the Chocolate Factory.”

Resident Alex Gerhold called Nagin’s remarks “stupid” and “pitiful.”

“He used the wrong dairy product to describe us. We’re more Neapolitan, not chocolate,” Gerhold said. “It doesn’t do the city any kind of justice.”

Aisha Johnson said she didn’t think the mayor’s comments were necessarily inflammatory, just out of line.

“He should have chosen his words more carefully,” she said.

But some residents, like Ann McKendrick, were angered.

“You can’t reunite a city if your comments are going to divide a city,” McKendrick said.

Nagin’s remarks fall into a line of inappropriate statements the mayor has made, said civil rights attorney Tracie Washington. She said she is “done trying to figure out what our mayor is going to say off the cuff on any given day.”

“24″ Season Premiere Thoughts…

The last two days, we’ve been watching the 4 HOUR LONG season premiere of 24. With the return of the Jack Bauer Power Hour (Thank you, TelevisionWithoutPity.com) there are alreadya few thoughts some of us are in agreement over:

More after the jump. (Here There Be Spoilers Ahead, so don’t say I didn’t warn ya.)

Continue reading ‘“24″ Season Premiere Thoughts…’

Speeding Ticket

I got busted for 32 in a 30. I mean, come on!

What the fuck?

German Fathers, Lock Up Your Daughters!

That’s right, folks. Germany will need to get ready for its own version of “The Bachelor,” because David Hasselhoff has filed for divorce.

Norm MacDonald said it best- Germans love David Hasselhoff. As long as I live, I will never understand why.

Out.

Time for another Wetwired Challenge

I’ve noticed a lot of sports on this site lately, and I thought it was time to fluff up the old intellectual pillow for a bit.

So, here’s the challenge: Figure out all the literary quotes I have listed below, and email them to me. At the end of the week, I’ll post the winners. If you can’t get them all, you can still get partial credit based on the difficulty of the quote. (in other words, how easy it is to find on Google) Each quote will be assigned a numeric value for the point total you get when you solve it. Finally, in order to get credit for the solve, you must give author and literary work.

Ready?

Here you go:

1) “Of suns and worlds I have little said worthy of mention. I see alone mankind’s self torturing pains.” (10pts)

2) “I am but mad, north by north west! But when the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a hand saw.” (5 pts)

3) “Life is the process of finding out too late, all of the things that should have been apparent at the time.” (30 pts)

4) “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.” (5 pts)

5) “He was born with a tendency to smile, and the feeling that the world was quite mad, and these were his only patrimony.” (25 pts)

6) “The magic of sex is it’s acquisition without the burden of possessions. No matter how many women you take home there’s never a storage problem.” (10 pts)

7) “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven… To reign is worth ambition though in hell: Better to reign in hell, than serve in heaven.” (10 pts)

8) “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhood cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.” ( 15 pts. But only because I love the speech. It’s a gimme.)

9) “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” (25 pts. This is a pretty hard one. Good luck)

10) “Traumatic events always happen exactly two years before I reach the maturity level to deal with them.” (30 pts. Fairly tough one.)

11) “Be who you are and say what you feel because people who mind don’t matter and people who matter don’t mind.” (20 pts.)

12) “If you truly want to make apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.” (20 pts.)

Okay, that’s it. You have your challenge.

Hint 1) Every quote is by a different author except numbers 2 and 8. (This would imply, by simple logic, that numbers 2 and 8 are by the same author. Careful now, don’t strain too hard trying to figure that one out. Easy… Easy…)

Hint 2) Quotes 11 and 12 are not from a specific work, so all you need is the author.

Finally a bonus, for those pieces that were said by a character, the name of the character will earn you an extra 10 points a piece.

Enjoy!

Email answers to: Beerslinger

Calling It Now…

I’m pretty certain that you will hear the following sometime in the immediate future:

“LSU Redshirt Freshman Ryan Perrilloux announced today that he is transferring to the University of Texas.”

Think about it. As a redshirt, he won’t have to sit out a year and lose a year of eligibility. He has two quarterbacks ahead of him in the depth charts at LSU, and the second-string QB just had the game performance of the year for LSU. I’d bet that we see this happen, and soon.

Out.

That Sound You Just Heard? Millions of UT Longhorns Fans Shitting Themselves.

As I’m typing this, Vince Young is declaring that he is going to enter the NFL draft. I’m sure more will be available shortly at ESPN’s website shortly.

Oh, that other sound you hear? That’s the sound of New Orleans Saints fans also shitting themselves, given that now they have to wait for the Saints management to choose between either the logical choices of either Young or Matt Leinart, or something completely insane and stupid.

Given our draft history, I’d bet on “insane and stupid” anyday.

Out.

This Just In… Pat Robertson Needs to Shut The Fuck Up.

I usually refrain from using profanity in the title of a post, but in this case I really, really feel after reading this article that Pat Robertson really, really needs to just shut the fuck up.

Seriously.

No more assassination calls for the leader of Venezuela, no more suggesting that a Teletubbie is gay, no more saying the leader of one of our closest allies had a stroke as God’s wrath.

Pat… dude, just shut the fuck up. Please. You’re embarassing yourself far more than any political enemy could EVER hope to do themselves.

Out.

ADDENDUM:

Author Peter David wrote a great, great comment at the end of this post about Pat Robertson. Take a look.

Your 2005 College Football National Champions… The University of Texas Longhorns.

Heh.

Heh heh.

BWAHAHHAHAAHAAHAA!!!!!!!

BURN IN HELL, PETE CARROLL!!! F USC!!!!

Oh, and thank you, UT, for proving every single media outlet that said USC would walk away with the title wrong. From an LSU fan who’s ALWAYS going to be bitter, it’s sweet to see USC fall and Pete Carroll lose.

Out.