You know there is one thing that really gets on my nerves and its women who can’t make up their minds about which name to take when they marry so they hyphenate their last name. The only thing that is worse is a man who takes the woman’s last name. What the hell are you thinking? Obviously we know who wears the pants in that relationship, hell you gave up your testicles at birth.

Sure our society is changing, and “oh you should be open minded” but damnit I think its plain silly. What happened to the Jones’s? Well now its Mr Jones, Mrs. Jones-Smith-Robertson, and their children Ronnie, and Willy Jones-Smith. No wonder we have no family unit in this country any more, you can’t have a solid family if you’re all out doing your own thing. No wonder divorce is on the up and up.

Lets look at the most current divorce Rate:

RAW NUMBERS. The Center has released total state and regional marriage and divorce numbers (not the same thing as rates) for the years 2000, 1999 and 1998.
The total numbers of U.S. divorces (excluding the non-counting states) reported finalized annually are 957,200 in 2000, 944,317 in 1999, and 947,384 in 1998.
The total numbers of U.S. marriages (including those states) reported celebrated annually are 2,355,005 in 2000, 2,366,623 in 1999, and 2,267,854 in 1998.

PROJECTION/PREDICTION. This is the Census Bureau’s often-cited “50%” rate, the proportion of marriages taking place right now that will eventually divorce, which has since been revised downward to roughly 43% by the National Center for Health Statistics but was moved back up to around 50% by the Census Bureau in 2002, with even more ifs ands and buts than usual. Most recently, according to the New York Times, it has been revised downward to just over 40%.

A lot of people say “oh 80% marriage ends in divorce” well the numbers speak for themselves its currently 40-50%. Regardless, if you look at 50 years ago that estimate was considerably lower; around 14%. All because women are hyphenating their last names. Just Kidding. Its really a culmination of different socio-economic and environmental problems or changes if you will. But my main point - women who hyphenate their last names are bitches. It’s true I have proof. Every woman I talk to that has a hyphenated last name has a chip on her shoulder that is so big, it holds her up. Makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside,and she sleeps comfortable in her fully-recycled-biodegradable mattress, next to her fully-ignorant, liberated castrato.

“I’m liberated. I hyphenate.”

You’re a bitch. And any man who is sucker enough to marry you deserves you. Just don’t breed anymore demon spawn to screw up my gene pool.

Now before you start the flaming, I want to give you some food for thought. This is America and you have the right, or rather the freedom to say whatever you want, to hyphenate your last name. In other countries if you looked at a man wrong you would be slapped, punished, or worse. In some middle eastern countries if a woman is found not to be a virgin on her wedding night she is killed. You’ve got it pretty good here, but I’ll be willing to wager that the majority of women with hyphenated last names are against the War in Iraq, the place where we have just ensured the freedom and rights of people just like us, and women who have to go through those type of ordeals. So you tell me was it worth it? Should we still be there upholding what you take for granted here in the states, why don’t we just deport you over there and see how long your hyphen lasts.

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