Take a look at the new Washington Nationals mascots, named “Screech.”

Take a look at that large (some would say “enhanced”) upper body, that abnormally large head, those tiny, scrawny calves. Almost looks like the bird’s juiced to me.

Now, try to tell me that this isn’t the perfect mascot for a baseball team of today- a creature of freakish proportions with a big giant head.

We’ll wait for word on whether or not Barry Bonds decides to comment upon this or sue for image infringement.

Out.

If you read E!’s site you may have noticed his recent post regauding this Rolling Stone Article.

Now its a really long article but I felt that I needed to touch on some points. First off, go read the doom and gloom article. It has a lot of truths in it, but for the most part the article is ment as a scare tactic to push people to do something in the US. To make more people aware that in less than 10 years more like 5, oil will no longer be cheap. $3 a gallon is still cheap. We are talking $10 a gallon in the near future. Now the article paints a picture of our economy and the worlds economy’s coming to a screeching halt. What makes this happen is not only is gasoline made from oil but heating oil, and plastics. It will no longer be cheap to drive anywhere or rather long distances, so moving goods by truck which is what our economy runs on (the trucking industry) won’t be an option. Next you can then kiss cheap airfare good bye. Its already on the brink as it is. Not only that, our only mass transportation system, the railroad has been on steady decline for a long time. All this points to mass problems, and the re-emergence of an agrarian society. Subsistence farming. Families with a plot of land farming to live, and trading the extra off, no longer on a global scale. When you read the article you think, maybe that’s what the author wants. The author wants this event to happen.

So here’s what’s really going to happen. The hybrid car is going to buy us another 20-30 years. The author talks about hydrogen constantly and how its not a viable solution because of this and that. He failed to bring up hybrid cars that are gas/electric. All of the major car manufactures have been rolling out not only these small cars but large suvs and even larger trucks that are fully hybrid. Cars that get 60-70-100 miles to the gallon. So yes, gas may cost $10 a gallon, but $20 bucks gets you 200 miles, that to me sounds like it will buy us more time.

More time to work on real world problems. I have always been told never bitch about a problem unless you have an answer. So as far as energy goes there are answers.

First we need to re-invest in nuclear energy and develop safer and cleaner ways to harness it.

Second we need to make more use of solar power. Some countries don’t have mass amounts of land, the US still does. There are some fairly large areas in the southwest that get a considerable amount of sunlight, and its been proven that reatilvey decent solar panels covering a couple square miles could power our nation. 25 square miles to be exact.

Wind power is not an option but ocean power is. Harness the ocean waves and create energy as well.

Cold fusion. It is possible, our scientists just haven’t figured out the right combinations yet. We must invest in this.

Mass transit. The US needs to stop thinking about individual transit and start developing mass transit for the rest of the country not just the east coast. No more super highways, super railways with bullet trains. Trains can be run off electricity and not gasoline or diesel.

Cross learning. What I mean by this is that we all work in a high tech economy and very few of us know old world trades or skills. Take the time to learn about planting vegetables. Its not hard, just invest some of your time to learn about soil, water, the right times to plant. Aside from that invest in a trade, learn about horses, learn about making butter, learn about livestock, learn about how people made material 200 years ago, prior to having factories and the industrial revolution. Learn about the spinning wheel, the loom, and things that are practical. I’m not saying you will need these trades, but wouldn’t you rather be safer than sorry?

How many of you know how to make a transistor radio? Or a compass? I know my father made one when he was a kid. If you were a boyscout you know about a compass. Its these things that possibly could come in handy if the industrialized world comes to its knees.

Chances are it won’t come to that, most likely we will press on and the suggestions I’ve made have already been addressed. 10 years from now hybrid cars will be the only cars on the road. That is a certainty.

Melancholy can be a bitch sometimes.

See, from time to time I become overwhelmed by a brief depression. Usually, this occurs after extended periods of loneliness. Now, understand- I don’t mean being alone for extended times. I mean being lonely. Big difference.

I can handle being alone pretty well. Being lonely, however, is another matter. Fortunately, I’m not lonely very often. Today, unfortunately, was not one of those times. The problem was that I wasn’t lonely until I was surrounded by people. In this case, a restaurant getting dinner.

I sat at my table by myself, as several families ate around me. To the table towards my front left, a group of guys were eating pizza. In front of me, a famiy of three enjoyed their meal. I sat there, eating my meal and envying them all.

My mood, which hadn’t been well for most of the day thanks to a headache that wouldn’t go away, worsened. It got to the point where I no longer felt hungry and decided to leave. As I left the restaurant, I passed by a worker there and pardoned myself for stepping in front of him. The server, a boy no older than 16 or 17, said “Are you alright?” (To be fair, it may have been “Oh, it’s alright” but in my haste I couldn’t tell.)I barely answered him as I left the restaurant.

Okay, now here comes the good part. After this, I headed home and changed into my normal knockaround clothing- white shirt, black shorts. At that point, two things happened. One, my headache finally stopped. Second, my father called. He’s heading into town this Thursday (and, by the way, is the first member of my family to come visit me up here) and we began figuring out scheduling, etc. After these two things happened, I felt quite a bit better in my mood. Now, as I type this, I feel somewhat good in fact.

I know I somewhat do it to myself, you see. I lead a very solitary life most of the time. As such, I lead myself into these modes of depression that I have to dig myself out of. I suppose that it’s a good sign that I can get out of the funk that I get in from time to time, but I wonder on occasion if there will ever come one that I can’t get out of.

That’s the thought that keeps me awake at night sometimes.

Out.

Okay, so this is the situation.

See, I’m still trying to get a free iPod. At this point it isn’t so much for the iPod but to confirm if this is for real. I still need three people to use the referral link that I have to sign up and complete an offer.

Now, it has been suggested that I offer money to people in return for them assisting me in getting a free iPod. However, I have decided not to go that route.

Instead, I shall go the way of towards a man’s heart- through his stomach.

What I am willing to do is this- the first three people who both sign up through my referral link AND complete an offer will be treated to a meal at my expense.

Yes, I’m serious.

Now, natually there are going to be some limitations to this. Those are as follows:

1- There is going to be a cost limit to this meal- I’m willing to pay up to twenty dollars of the cost of your meal. As you know, that will buy you quite the feast at many a location.

2- I would prefer to limit this to those in the Austin/Round Rock area when it comes to going to the restaurant. However, for those outside of the area that do this, I will send you a gift card to the major restaurant of your choice in the amount of twenty dollars.

3- The offer is limited to the first three people who both sign up through my referral link AND complete an offer. So, what this means is that the three that I see as having completed the offer through the free iPods website will be the recipient of the prize.

4- I will pay for alcohol, but again- that goes towards the twenty dollar limit. Anything over twenty dollars will be your responsibility. Further, you have to be at least twenty-one for me to buy alcohol.

5- The meal will be a date and time of our mutual agreement. I work, after all.

So, there you have it. I’m quite serious about this, and any questions may be referred to fnliii at wetwired dot org. Let the games begin.

UPDATE: I am adding one more item. If you are in the Austin or Round Rock areas and assist but would prefer a gift card/certificate instead of an actual meal, I will be happy to provide that instead.

Out.

I rented this thinking, “hey its adam sandler.”

“oops” I said when it turned out to be more of a family flic. But aside from that. The next woman to take over American Film to become the next Peneolpe Cruz, is Paz Vega. This chick has it all, cute latin accent, nice body and a great actress.

T

In the comment section of the last post Blue1Aqua1 implied that Britney Speers was merely white trash and therefore not deserving of the male attention that she obviously gets. And this, of course, is quite the popular opinion among women that can do things like spell and tie their own shoelaces.

So, let

Well, the inevitable has happened. The pop tart and her white trash husband have spawned.

And Jesus wept.

No news yet on whether a pleather baby-sized miniskirt or backwards-worn baseball hat will be needed for the youngun’, but the couple have already begun to build the addition to their trailer (Britney’s rich, so they could spring for the double-wide!). Now, this means a few things naturally:

1- She’s pregnant, so I guess that means Britney’s doin’ it.
2- This is now, what- the THIRD kid this guy has fathered- and if I recall correctly, by the third woman? Can he keep it in his pants at all?
3- No word yet on whether or not Justin Timberlake decided to try and knock up Cameron Diaz as revenge.
4- Wait for the announcement from Xtina (Christina Aguilera, for those of you that don’t give a crap) that she too has become pregnant, until someone explains to her that you can’t get pregnant from doing THAT. (I ain’t saying it, but you can guess…)

And in related news, I wrote this entire post only so that I could make fun of all involved. So, I got that going for me. Which is nice.

Out.

Yes, someone actually made this comment to me. I thought about it for a minute and I said no. I said, “You may think that because you are human and you have a highly developed brain that you are above watching pleasures of the flesh, but you are still an animal.”

The person said, “Pornography is for people who just don’t ever use their brains. Its for people who have no real path in life and are not civilized. ”

You still have an instinctual pull to breed, to survive. You may take a moral stance against it, but that has nothing to do with it.

The thing is, you can’t switch off your instinct, your desire (unless you have a chemical imbalance). Even if someone takes the holier than thou approach, you sit them in front of a movie, they will get turned on. Its human nature.

I put it this way to them: I said, “Ok when you masturbate, what do you think about? A clean kitchen? A guy that leaves the toilet seat down? And don’t tell me that you don’t masturbate because I don’t like to call anyone a liar to their face if I don’t have to.”

The person said “Ok, I do have a fantasy that I think about.”

My point was made. Even if you are not watching someone have sex on the screen, which triggers the instinctual parts of your brain, you’re using your imagination to trigger the same areas. Your imagining some sexual fantasy, that might be similar to what you would watch on the screen, or it could be even more depraved (I know you sickos out there).

Watching pornography has nothing to do with if you are intelligent. It has nothing to do with the higher functions of the brain. You may make a conscientious choice to not watch it stating its morally wrong. But in truth you just feel guilty because you actually would enjoy it. You will have prurient thoughts.

Only gonna say this once, folks.

There is a really, really good show on ABC Wednesday nights at 9 PM CST. This show is called Eyes, and it stars Tim Daly as the head of a private investigation firm which uses… interesting tactics to get the job done. I cannot recommend this show highly enough, people. Tune in at least for the next two episodes. I promise you, you’ll get hooked.

Out.

So, I finally did it.

After years of back and forth, years of almost doing it then backing off, after years of coming to the precipice of doing it and then stepping away timidly… I finally subscribed to Sirius Satellite Radio.

(What did you think I was talking about, Pervy McPerverson?)

I’ve had it now for a couple of weeks, and already it’s SOOOO worth it. Admittedly, I’m not in the car a lot. My morning and evening commute is, to understate it, short. Truth be told, it takes me longer to get dressed than it does to get to work from my apartment.

However, that’s not when I use it.

See, the cool thing is that you can listen to it online (And yes, I know I can get a home kit for my radio. Looking into it already since the news, sports and entertainment channels are only available through the radio itself.) from the Sirius website. As a result, I turn it on and listen to Jazz Cafe pretty much from the time I get home Friday night until I wake up Monday morning. I mean, nonstop.

Then of course, there will be the other benefits later in the year. See, Sirius has a deal with the NFL. All NFL games are broadcast on Sirius.

I REALLY need that home kit.

This actually leads to a question to the Sirius subscribers that come to Wetwired. Can you recommend any good shows to listen to on a regular basis? I like news talk shows, as well as comedy and sports. Any advice would be appreciated.

Out.

So, let me get this straight.

Duke University students get their own free iPod just by going to Duke. Meanwhile, I’m still three referrals away from getting my own free iPod. (Sign up today!)

Man, Drew Curtis is right. Duke DOES suck.

Out.

Associated Press
CHICAGO — Bo Jackson filed a defamation lawsuit Wednesday against a California newspaper that quoted a dietary expert who said the former two-sport star used steroids.

The lawsuit was filed in Cook County against the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin, MediaNews Group Inc., MediaNews Group Interactive, Inc., sports writer Jim Mohr, who is now sports editor, and three other employees of the newspaper.

“I’ve got nothing to hide,” Jackson said at a news conference before the White Sox’s game against the Cleveland Indians. “If anyone wants to check into my medical past, go get blood tests, go check up on those blood tests and see if there was any anabolic steroids in it. You’re more than welcome.”

Jackson is suing for unspecified general and punitive damages. His lawyer, Dan Biederman, also said they want the newspaper to print a retraction.

Steve Lambert, the editor of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin and The Sun of San Bernardino, said it was too early for the newspaper to comment on the lawsuit.

“We’re still investigating the situation,” he said.

Mohr did not immediately return a call for comment Wednesday night.

In a story published March 24 under Mohr’s byline, dietary expert Ellen Coleman was quoted as saying she knew personally that “Bo Jackson lost his hip because of anabolic abuse.”

Jackson, the only player to be named to the NFL’s Pro Bowl and appear in baseball’s All-Star game, injured his hip playing for the Oakland Raiders in 1991 in a playoff game against the Cincinnati Bengals. He did play baseball that season for the Chicago White Sox and had a hip replacement the next year. He returned to baseball in 1993 and spent one more season in Chicago before signing with the California Angels and then retiring in 1994. He won the Heisman Trophy as a running back for Auburn in 1985.

Jackson said he found the story from the newspaper online, and at least one person called him about it. Biederman said he then contacted Coleman, who denied making any statements about Jackson. She provided the lawyer with a videotape of her speech at a Riverside, Calif., sports forum to back up her claim.

“At no time during my speech or while speaking individually to Jim Mohr did I use or mention the name Bo Jackson,” Coleman said in a signed affidavit.

Jackson, now a businessman who lives in suburban Chicago, talks to children about health and nutrition issues. He denied ever using or even seeing steroids in any form.

“I’m not going to sit here and say, ‘Maybe I did or maybe I didn’t,”‘ Jackson said. “I didn’t. Never did. Never had to do.”

Were they really that tough?

1. “My dear wife. You get something twisted out of your insides by all this blood, filth and noise. I want to stay changeless for you. I want to come back to you the man I was before. How do we get to those other shores? To those blue hills?
Love–where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us? No war can put it out, conquer it. I was a prisoner. You set me free.” - Thin Red Line

2. “Lets go little brother, it is begining!” - 13th Warrior

3. “50 million, I’m out.” - The Saint

4. “I love those goofy bastards” - Something About Mary (The Purgulist got it)

5. “I remember when I was picking beans in Guatemala. We used to have fresh coffee, right off the vines. That was good. This is shit, but I’m in a cop station. What do you expect?” - The Usual Suspects Kevin Spacy as Verbil Kent

6. “You looked up at me and you said ‘hello stranger’” - Closer Natalie Portman to Jude Law

7. “You boys ever been to MEXICO?!” - Super Troopers (as the cop jumps in the car)

8. “Why not just kill them? I’ll do it! I’ll run up to Paris - bam, bam, bam, bam. I’m back before week’s end. We spend the treasure. How is this a bad plan? ” - Count of Monte Cristo (the new one)

9. “1: You guys haven’t changed since high school! 2: Cool! 1: No, it’s not!” - Baseketball

10. “We’re gonna need a bigger boat” - Jaws (Jim’s favorite scene)

11. “Are you kidding me? I have never met a person who lives in as much fear of his mother as you do” - Mall Rats

12. “Welcome to the New World, sir.” - The Hunt for Red October (William Baldwin to Sean Connery)

13. “-Who glued these quarters to the floor? -I did -What the hell for? -I don

In the tradition of Jim I’ve got some movie quotes for you today. I’ve googled some of them. No googling you cheaters.

1. “My dear wife. You get something twisted out of your insides by all this blood, filth and noise. I want to stay changeless for you. I want to come back to you the man I was before. How do we get to those other shores? To those blue hills?
Love–where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us? No war can put it out, conquer it. I was a prisoner. You set me free.”

2. “Lets go little brother, it is begining!”

3. “50 million, I’m out.”

4. “I love those goofy bastards”

5. “I remember when I was picking beans in Guatemala. We used to have fresh coffee, right off the vines. That was good. This is shit, but I’m in a cop station. What do you expect?”

6. “You looked up at me and you said ‘hello stranger’”

7. “You boys ever been to MEXICO?!”

8. “Why not just kill them? I’ll do it! I’ll run up to Paris - bam, bam, bam, bam. I’m back before week’s end. We spend the treasure. How is this a bad plan? ”

9. “1: You guys haven’t changed since high school! 2: Cool! 1: No, it’s not!”

10. “We’re gonna need a bigger boat”

11. “Are you kidding me? I have never met a person who lives in as much fear of his mother as you do”

12. “Welcome to the New World, sir.”

13. “-Who glued these quarters to the floor? -I did -What the hell for? -I don