Melancholy can be a bitch sometimes.

See, from time to time I become overwhelmed by a brief depression. Usually, this occurs after extended periods of loneliness. Now, understand- I don’t mean being alone for extended times. I mean being lonely. Big difference.

I can handle being alone pretty well. Being lonely, however, is another matter. Fortunately, I’m not lonely very often. Today, unfortunately, was not one of those times. The problem was that I wasn’t lonely until I was surrounded by people. In this case, a restaurant getting dinner.

I sat at my table by myself, as several families ate around me. To the table towards my front left, a group of guys were eating pizza. In front of me, a famiy of three enjoyed their meal. I sat there, eating my meal and envying them all.

My mood, which hadn’t been well for most of the day thanks to a headache that wouldn’t go away, worsened. It got to the point where I no longer felt hungry and decided to leave. As I left the restaurant, I passed by a worker there and pardoned myself for stepping in front of him. The server, a boy no older than 16 or 17, said “Are you alright?” (To be fair, it may have been “Oh, it’s alright” but in my haste I couldn’t tell.)I barely answered him as I left the restaurant.

Okay, now here comes the good part. After this, I headed home and changed into my normal knockaround clothing- white shirt, black shorts. At that point, two things happened. One, my headache finally stopped. Second, my father called. He’s heading into town this Thursday (and, by the way, is the first member of my family to come visit me up here) and we began figuring out scheduling, etc. After these two things happened, I felt quite a bit better in my mood. Now, as I type this, I feel somewhat good in fact.

I know I somewhat do it to myself, you see. I lead a very solitary life most of the time. As such, I lead myself into these modes of depression that I have to dig myself out of. I suppose that it’s a good sign that I can get out of the funk that I get in from time to time, but I wonder on occasion if there will ever come one that I can’t get out of.

That’s the thought that keeps me awake at night sometimes.

Out.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, April 17th, 2005 at 10:20 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.