This is prob. one of the 3rd biggest shopping days of the years, tomorrow being the 2nd. What do I want to do? Go home and sleep. I haven’t gotten much sleep lately and work during the holidays just makes me want to pass out. Egg Nog, turkey, hot chocolate, candies, etc. all add to the lazyness and/or sleep deprivation. Unfortunately I still have a few things to get - last minute for people and damnit I hate fighting the Christmas crowds at the malls. My Christmas shopping usually goes like this:

I drove up to the mall and park near the food court. Why? Because I like entering by the movie theatre and all the food. Ok that and I like to stare at all the highschool chicks. Come on, if they are going to dress like hookers, It’s not like they don’t want you to look.

“Hey baby, I drive a WRX”

“Wow, wanna give me a ride?”

“How old are you?”

“Twelve”

“I’ll come back in 6 years.”

“You sure?” She says as she puts her hands on her ass.

“You’re freaking twelve!”

“But I look twenty…”

“I’d like to introduce you to my friend MJ.. he likes em young…”

So I go on into the mall and look around. There are Christmas lights everywhere, a drunk swinging a bell for the Salvation Army, a Santa who is scaring kids, tons of hot chicks in Victoria’s Secrets….

“Hey, what are you doing? Are you going to buy something?”

“Huh? oh no.. sorry, I was just lost in the moment.”

“What?”

“Never mind, um.. Merry Christmas…”

I decided to go down stairs to the video store, Sun Coast. Land of overpriced movies and S&M looking clerks. I kid you not, the mall by my house has leather clad S&M looking clerks. I’m sure soon as I leave the store they are getting in a harness and slapping each others asses..

Upon walking into the store I spotted my prey; the last copy of Pirates of the Caribbean. I reached my greedy hand towards the movie only to find some lady grabbing it at the same time.

“Hey, that’s mine,” I said.

“I was here first!” She yelled.

“Hey no need for yelling here.”

“I’m NOT YELLING!”

“Whoa, lady, why don’t you let go the movie and take a Prozac.”

“Fuck YOU!”

“Here, take it bitch. Happy fucking holidays to you too.”

I meandered over to the other movies in the store when I overheard….

“My last name is St. Croix-Thomas, not Mrs. Thomas. I kept my real last name for a reason.”

I started walking out and decided to say something, “You know lady, you prove my theory that women who hyphenate their last names are all BITCHES!”

And with that I went into FYE and low and behold, they had a copy of the movie.

Tags: Christmas
Posted in Uncategorized |

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